I tend to forget what life looks like through the eyes of a little boy. Alex walk through life these days with a grown-up height of perspective. He’s already six feet tall and aside from the new-teenager hiccups he’s reasonable mature. Rachel is a few inches over five feet and she’s tough. She’s had to be in order to survive two brothers. But Kevin is small for even a ten year old—he’s a long way from hitting five feet and looks at everything from the same height as the average six year old. He has a big heart, though, and he tends to wear it on his sleeve.

I would do well to remember that with better clarity.

We decided that the kids would see her one at a time initially, just to see how it would go. Because Alex has been there, Rachel went in to see her first, and she was fine. Once I was sure she was all right I left the room, because I have been made acutely aware over the couple of days that there are things my daughter needs her mother to talk about with, and that would happen if I was there. Alex went in next because Kevin was otherwise occupied with the automatic faucet in the men’s room, but as soon as he was over his fascination with it I got Alex so his little brother could have some time alone with their mother.

Kevin was excited, he had been all morning and he ran from the waiting room into her room. But once he was in there he stopped so fast that his sneakers chirped against the tile floor. It was what I was afraid of. I’m not sure what he expected to see and we tried to prepare him for seeing his mother bruised, in a cast and a leg brace, and how tired she was going to look but it didn’t sink in. He got one look and froze, and then started to cry.

I had a selfish moment of panic because I wasn’t sure of what to do, make him stay and talk to her or pick him up and take him out. Char knew what to do, though. She asked me to lower the railing on the bed and she coaxed him over, and when he managed to make himself take those last few steps to the bed I lifted him up so that he could stretch out next to her.

I know what that cost her in pain. He barely moved but she’s sore as hell and it’s agony for her to move even the right side of her body. I had to clench my teeth to keep from reminding him to be careful, but she cuddled him close for a while. I don’t know what she said to him to calm him down because I waited in the doorway to give them some privacy. But twenty minutes later he was sitting on the edge of the bed and was happy enough, and she had me get Alex and Rachel.

They stayed for another half an hour before I made them clear out. Again, I am the World’s Meanest Dad. They went home with their grandfather, and Char is sleeping now. She was glad to see them but it wiped her out. We’ll see how she feels later and decide whether or not they can come back today or if they’ll wait until tomorrow.