Alex and I were making plans to go visit his potential next school and scope out the city for possible property for the family, and what the schools would be like for Rachel and Kevin. Then he started getting phone calls from other schools, feelers for follow-ups on his expressed interest in attending; long story short, he’s got viable, incredible options that would keep him on U.S. soil.
In the long run, that might be better, because Char’s checkups this week were not as stellar as we’d hoped, and she’s facing some significant surgery and rehab this year. Because of the accident two and a half years ago, she has avascular necrosis of the femoral head, and it’s reached the point of necessary replacement. She’s been in increasing pain and is losing mobility, so it has to be done. And we would prefer it be done here where we’re familiar with the doctors and hospital.
That doesn’t mean Alex is limited to U.S. schools. If going with Erin and Miko is what will get him the best education, he’ll go. Rachel and Kevin are understandably disappointed, but they understand. If Alex does go, we’ll be visiting and spending the summer traveling; if he ultimately chooses a state-side school, we can still take them to explore the places they’re interested in.
The hard part is going to be Erin, Miko, and the grandkids leaving. And then getting Char through everything she’s facing. She doesn’t seem fazed at all by it; it’s something that has to be done and she’d like to get it over with and get the rehab underway.
I wish I had half her strength.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Ch-ch-ch-changes?
Over the holidays, we found ourselves staring into news we didn't want (but that was good for Erin and Miko), a possibility Alex did want (but we did not), and surprises from Rachel and Kevin about the aforementioned news and possibility. It came towards us with a not unexpected announcement from Brad: he's selling the bar and retiring.
What we don't want: Miko's job has presented him with the chance to take his family overseas; most of what he does goes over my head, but the meat of it is that he'll be leading a research team, as well as teaching. He can't not take the position; the opportunity is solid and will advance his career, whereas staying here will stall it in the next few years. This opportunity opened up, for Alex, the very real possibility of attending school overseas as well. It affords him an education undistracted by anything other than his field of study, and while he would be there in residence, Erin and Miko would be a phone call away.
Knowing what the opportunity means for his future, we didn't say no right off the bat; it's big enough that significant consideration must be weighed, his needs versus our fears, what he wants versus what would be the right thing. Every logical argument we could make leaning in either direction eventually ended with the realization that we can't stand in his way on this.
Rachel and Kevin's initial reaction: are we moving? I presumed that they would be relieved that the answer was no. We would stay here and let them finish school; we've discussed eventually living part-time in Ireland, but every intention has us waiting until the kids are all grown. But they surprised us; it's not fair, they each said in their own way, that Alex gets to see more of the world and they don't. I believed that was knee-jerk jealousy, but neither intended it to be. Rachel claims there is nothing here that she wouldn't have there; the world is a much smaller place with email and Facebook, and she pointed out that the friends she's closest to, the girls with whom she can share everything, moved away two and three years ago, and online is how they keep in touch.
Kevin would be leaving a lot behind; his dance school, friends he is extremely tight with, and there's Elizabeth. But still, when playing with the idea in his head, he's all for moving. There are places to learn to dance there. He can keep in touch with Elizabeth.
Their enthusiasm was unexpected, but still, we were not considering picking up and moving to another country simply because Alex wants to go to school there, or because Erin and Miko and the grandkids are going.
We were still at the "we're thinking about it" point with Alex and had not told him yes or no, when Peter and Nika announced that upon her graduation in May they are headed back to South Africa. Brad, who has resolutely refused to consider traveling any further than California to visit his family, decided it was time for him to get a passport, so that he would be able to visit. Alex jokingly told him if he wanted, he could live with him in a dorm room and bounce between there and Johannesburg; instead of blowing him off, Brad mused that if the "whole fucking family" was going, he would, too.
And then it was laid out in front of us. Erin and Miko are going, regardless. Alex is going for at least 3-4 years. Nika and Peter are leaving. Rachel and Kevin--at least for now--want to live somewhere different, and they want the chance to see more of the world. When we balanced everything, we realized there is truly nothing keeping us here, other than friendships and familiarity. Neither of us is tied to a job; I have business investments that can, for the most part, be handled from wherever I happen to be, and I could accommodate in-person needs with a plane ticket and rental car.
We tried to decide what was holding us back; the fact that it was the kids that championed the idea, or that deep down we felt a move was not a good idea, and we kept coming back to the notion that we were reluctant simply because it felt slightly backwards to have the kids pushing for this.
We're still not decided. It doesn't make sense to hold Alex back, but we're now grappling with the fundamentals of whether or not picking up and leaving everything behind would be in the kids' best interests. That's what it comes down to; what's best for them.
Alex has struggled the last couple of months with what he wants to ultimately do: transfer to an out of state school, or stay here and get his degree from a local university. He wants the best education he can get, but he also doesn't want to leave Stephanie behind. This chance to study abroad, however, cleared things up for him. He knows that right now his education comes first, he also knows that with effort he can stay connected to her, and if it's meant to be, they'll figure it out later. I wondered how he felt about the idea--even if it is a remote concept right now--that his entire family could follow him, if there would be (and perhaps rightfully so) resentment. Yet he expressed some relief; whether we follow or not, he'll be there in residence, he wouldn't live with us. But we would be right there, and as he put it, I'm only going to be seventeen, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that much of just me.
Everyone wants to go; I'm not sure why we're dragging out feet on a final decision. It'll come to me sooner rather than later, I suppose.
What we don't want: Miko's job has presented him with the chance to take his family overseas; most of what he does goes over my head, but the meat of it is that he'll be leading a research team, as well as teaching. He can't not take the position; the opportunity is solid and will advance his career, whereas staying here will stall it in the next few years. This opportunity opened up, for Alex, the very real possibility of attending school overseas as well. It affords him an education undistracted by anything other than his field of study, and while he would be there in residence, Erin and Miko would be a phone call away.
Knowing what the opportunity means for his future, we didn't say no right off the bat; it's big enough that significant consideration must be weighed, his needs versus our fears, what he wants versus what would be the right thing. Every logical argument we could make leaning in either direction eventually ended with the realization that we can't stand in his way on this.
Rachel and Kevin's initial reaction: are we moving? I presumed that they would be relieved that the answer was no. We would stay here and let them finish school; we've discussed eventually living part-time in Ireland, but every intention has us waiting until the kids are all grown. But they surprised us; it's not fair, they each said in their own way, that Alex gets to see more of the world and they don't. I believed that was knee-jerk jealousy, but neither intended it to be. Rachel claims there is nothing here that she wouldn't have there; the world is a much smaller place with email and Facebook, and she pointed out that the friends she's closest to, the girls with whom she can share everything, moved away two and three years ago, and online is how they keep in touch.
Kevin would be leaving a lot behind; his dance school, friends he is extremely tight with, and there's Elizabeth. But still, when playing with the idea in his head, he's all for moving. There are places to learn to dance there. He can keep in touch with Elizabeth.
Their enthusiasm was unexpected, but still, we were not considering picking up and moving to another country simply because Alex wants to go to school there, or because Erin and Miko and the grandkids are going.
We were still at the "we're thinking about it" point with Alex and had not told him yes or no, when Peter and Nika announced that upon her graduation in May they are headed back to South Africa. Brad, who has resolutely refused to consider traveling any further than California to visit his family, decided it was time for him to get a passport, so that he would be able to visit. Alex jokingly told him if he wanted, he could live with him in a dorm room and bounce between there and Johannesburg; instead of blowing him off, Brad mused that if the "whole fucking family" was going, he would, too.
And then it was laid out in front of us. Erin and Miko are going, regardless. Alex is going for at least 3-4 years. Nika and Peter are leaving. Rachel and Kevin--at least for now--want to live somewhere different, and they want the chance to see more of the world. When we balanced everything, we realized there is truly nothing keeping us here, other than friendships and familiarity. Neither of us is tied to a job; I have business investments that can, for the most part, be handled from wherever I happen to be, and I could accommodate in-person needs with a plane ticket and rental car.
We tried to decide what was holding us back; the fact that it was the kids that championed the idea, or that deep down we felt a move was not a good idea, and we kept coming back to the notion that we were reluctant simply because it felt slightly backwards to have the kids pushing for this.
We're still not decided. It doesn't make sense to hold Alex back, but we're now grappling with the fundamentals of whether or not picking up and leaving everything behind would be in the kids' best interests. That's what it comes down to; what's best for them.
Alex has struggled the last couple of months with what he wants to ultimately do: transfer to an out of state school, or stay here and get his degree from a local university. He wants the best education he can get, but he also doesn't want to leave Stephanie behind. This chance to study abroad, however, cleared things up for him. He knows that right now his education comes first, he also knows that with effort he can stay connected to her, and if it's meant to be, they'll figure it out later. I wondered how he felt about the idea--even if it is a remote concept right now--that his entire family could follow him, if there would be (and perhaps rightfully so) resentment. Yet he expressed some relief; whether we follow or not, he'll be there in residence, he wouldn't live with us. But we would be right there, and as he put it, I'm only going to be seventeen, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that much of just me.
Everyone wants to go; I'm not sure why we're dragging out feet on a final decision. It'll come to me sooner rather than later, I suppose.
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