Up until now, on Halloween we packed the kids into the car and drove them into town to trick or treat, usually a few houses around Brad's, and when Erin and Miko bought a house we cut them loose in their neighborhood. Until Kevin was eight, we stuck close, but the last couple of years we let Alex take Kevin and Rachel around and handed out candy while Erin and Miko took Toni out.

This is the first year the kids have lived in a neighborhood where they can go out without the long drive get there and the long drive home; it's also the first year both Alex and Rachel and felt they're too old to dress up and trick or treat. Rachel could get away with it; Alex looks older than he is and would probably get people yelling at him.

Their school hosts an annual party for the high school students, a very not-subtle way of keeping them out of trouble on a night when trouble is almost a requirement. We assumed Alex would be going to this and had already decided that Char would stay home and hand out candy while I took Kevin around the neighborhood (as much as he would like, no, he is not going out alone.) But yesterday afternoon I overheard Alex telling his girlfriend that he would go, but not until Kevin had been out to trick or treat.

I always take him out and he's only going to do it for a couple more years.

Last night I told him he could go to the party when it started and I would take his little brother out; no, this is their thing and he doesn't want to miss it. I'm welcome to tag along, but he's going out with Kevin.

Rachel wants to hand out candy, which leaves me only being needed to drive Alex and Stephanie to the party after he and Kevin get back, and to pick them up a couple of hours later.

We hit a parking lot and Char drove around it for about half an hour; she was doing so well I suggested she ease out onto residental streets and try that--not a problem. Tomorrow afternoon we're doing it again, this time with help from Alex. He's going to throw empty boxes in front of the car to test her stopping time. I don't think it's going to be a problem; she was able to cleanly stop every time I yelled stop at random intervals, but she does want to test Alex's method as well. She wants to practice the ret of the week; I think that if she's feeling confident enough, we may go car shopping this weekend. Anything she wants.

Char asked Alex how he liked their first ballet class: it was Kevin, ten little girls between eight and ten, and me. How do you think I liked it?

From where I sat, where there were five or six teenaged girls watching Alex take that class, I think he liked it just fine.

Kevin thought it was "okay." During the first part of the class the teacher was talking about how flexible they would get over the next year, and before they knew it they'd be able to do splits and balance on one leg; the other half of the class they got to try to balance with one leg in the air. Alex and Kevin both had their feet head high and stood stock still, prompting giggles from the girls. She then asked if either of them could do the splits and they both dropped to the floor. From the look on her face I couldn't tell if she was impressed or now worries she has a couple of show offs.

Alex is only committed for two weeks, which is four classes. I suspect that's all he'll be taking. Kevin is committed to six weeks; we'll see how he feels about it then, but he's flexible enough for it.

Tomorrow I'm taking Char out to try driving in an empty lot for a bit. She's worried about running the car into a lamppost; I figure it's just a car, so no big deal. We'll see if she's talking to me by tomorrow afternoon, though.

Randomness, fueled by insomnia.

Just to see if she could, Char threw a side kick at me today. It landed with a dull thud on my thigh, but it didn't hurt her. It didn't hurt me, either, but that's not the point; she got her leg up without someone bracing her and was able to balance. She's a long way off from being able to get back to TKD, but it's something.

Some time during the week we're looking for an empty parking lot so she can get beind the wheel and see how well she can maneuver the car. She has no illusions about being able to drive in traffic, but this will give us a better idea of her driving reflexes. Lately she's made rapid improvement in her reactive times, enough that I don't see it being more than a few more weeks before she can drive.

I still owe her a birthday.

I'll think of something eventually.

Blogger needs an iPhone ap, just to make it erasier to sit here and kill time while I wait for Alex and his girlfriend, seemingly every freaking Saturday night.

Kevin had his mind made up before we actually got to the ballet school yesterday; he was supposed to watch a class and then decide, but in his little brain he was already dancing. The reality of the school, though, caused a few nerves to fire up and he asked Alex if he would take a few weeks of classes with him, just long enough that he wouldn't be nervous about it anymore. I braced for the "no" answer and was pleasantly surprised by "yeah, sure, it might be fun." The beginner's instructor seems to have a sense of humor and doesn't mind that one of her new students is a head taller than she is and older than the average by about six years.

Neither kid is happy with what they have to wear during class--very short shorts and skin tight t-shirts--but it was quite a bit better than Kevin's ultimate fear: tights and a tutu.

This afternoon Kevin hid in his room, and I was afraid he'd changed his mind and didn't want to say so, but they don't start until next week so I intended on leaving him alone and letting him work through it. He poked his head out long enough to ask Alex for homework help, and half an hour later Alex came out to get me; he had the real reason Kevin was upset and knew we definitely needed to address it head on instead of waiting.

One of Kevin's classmates informed him this morning that his birth mother could change her mind and undo the adoption and take him back. He's been agonizing over the idea since ten o'clock this morning, and we didn't find out until almost four p.m. I didn't know what to think at first; I wasn't sure how Kevin could even believe this but he did because the kid who told him swore it had happened to his cousin.

Char practically crushed the phone in her hand while she dialed it to potentially ream the kid's mother out. While she gritted her teeth and tried to get to the bottom of it, I sat on Kevin's bed with him and worked like hell to convince him it wasn't possible. Even if she regretted giving him up to us, one--she doesn't know where we live, she only gets updates about him through Char's dad and two--the judge signed the final papers when he was six months old. It's a done deal.

He wanted to believe us, but the only thing that really made him feel better was Alex swearing that she'd have to get through him first, and there was no way he was letting a total stranger get anywhere near his little brother.

Char did get to the bottom of why Kevin's classmate said what he did; his adopted baby cousin was indeed returned to his birth mother when she changed her mind a week later. Whatever state they live in has a time set wherein a birth parent can reclaim a child; I don't know what it is, but I doubt it's more than a few weeks or a month or so, certainly not ten years.

We couldn't do more than reassure him that there's no scenario where we would even allow this to happen without making it seem to be a legitimate concern. We left him in his room with Alex and listened from the hallway for a few minutes; he asked Alex a few questions about what he thought his birth mother might be like, and would she even like him if she met him. Alex's answer was a firm, Of course she would, you're an awesome kid, and he eventually steered Kevin back into talking about starting ballet next week. That's when we stopped eavesdropping

We've mostly prepared ourselves for the questions he will inevitable have (and has had) about his birth parents, but this was never on our radar. How could it be?

The kids have half days all this week; the high school and junior high are having midterms Monday – Wednesday and on Thu & Fri meetings with their counselors to go over their educational objectives for the remainder of the year; I would think the objective is clear: pass everything or face the wrath of Dad, but the school wants them to think beyond grades. Imagine that.

Yesterday we picked them up early and decided to take them out for lunch, and Kevin fidgeted like his ass was on fire until Rachel told him to just ask us already, we weren’t going to stab him with forks and then throw salt on him. He looked to Alex for help, and all Alex did was shrug and tell him to spit it out.

What Kevin wants is to take ballet. Neither of us was surprised; he’s drawn to the arts. He loves to sing (and he’s pretty good), he loves music and is having fun exploring the drum. He's also athletic. I can see how he's drawn to the idea of blending his interests and at least exploring ballet, and possibly other forms of dance.

He worried about asking because his friends assured him my reaction would be Hell No. Boys don't take ballet.

He also worried because his PE teacher questioned whether or not he was already too old to start and excel at it; she didn't say this because she's mean, she said this because she understands that when he approaches something like this, he wants to be better than good, and he gets frustrated if he's not. Frankly, that's my only concern. He wants at least a chance of becoming very good, and if 10 is already too old he should at least be forewarned that he doesn't stand a chance of becoming the next Baryshnikov.

I am inclined to let him try, regardless.

Part of me wanted to press for the reasons he's so interested all the sudden, but I didn't want to make him feel as if he has to justify his interests. They are what they are, and if he can reasonably explore them, it's my job to make it possible. Alex and I talked while he helped me hang pictures last night; I was a little curious what he thought, and wanted to make sure he wasn't going to tease Kevin for wanting to take ballet (he won't; he understands its appeal to his little brother and he has his own interests in learning to dance well.) He did have one good reason why Kevin wants to take lessons now.

Her name is Elizabeth, and they seem to have a mutual crush on each other.

We have an appointment at her ballet school tomorrow afternoon, and I'll take the checkbook. Go Kevin.

Halfway down the hall I heard Alex and Ian talking, and as I got closer I could hear what they were saying.

Alex: Girls do that?
Ian: Why are you surprised? You do that.
Alex: Yeah, but…I mean, maybe, but…are you serious? How?

I’m 99% sure I know what the topic of discussion was, so I turned around and went the other way. I am so not ready for this.

We've been busy as hell this week; between driving the kids all the places they wanted/needed to go, getting Char to and from PT, babysitting, finishing the sale on the old property, and negotiating new space for the dojang, there hasn't been much time to just sit and chill out.

But, the grandkids are back with their parents, the kids don't seem to have much on their schedules this coming week, the property is officially no longer ours, we got a lease for new dojang space, but the big one: Char has been released from PT.

Everything they can do for her, she can do on her own, and has proven to her doctors that she's motivated enough to do it and not wait and see what happens. Without stairs to confront at home, she's safe here and doesn't need me around all the time (to her relief) and if she does need help, it's a phone call and five minutes away.

The next step is getting her reflexes back so that she can drive; she lags about a quarter second behind her thought processes, just enough to make driving something she shouldn't do. Barring that, she still flinches at certain things when I'm driving, so that's another hump to get over. She worries that she may never regain needed reflexes, and that is a remote possibility, but she’s certain that the flinching will wind down to a minimum (and she has gotten a lot better about that.)

We’ve discussed our options for if she simply can’t drive and I go back to work; I’d guess in that case we’d see what it takes to get Alex a hardship license. No, we have not mentioned this to him. Yes, the idea drives me just a little insane. But if kids in ND can drive at 14, why the hell not?

I'm not sure what was more absurd: seeing the kids and grandkids all crawling down the hall from youngest to oldest, or that I had a strong impulse to join them.

Between our three kids, an exciteable first grader, and a baby that crawls faster than I can blink, this week has been busy as hell and it's only half over. No complaints, though, because we're all having a blast with the little ones; Alex and Rachel have changed diapers and given baths, and Kevin finally has someone he can help with homework. It's been funny as hell to hear him explain basic addition to his cousin; I can hear the exact same phrases coming out of him that Alex used four years ago when he helped Kevin.

It's been a good week so far; we have to give the grandkids back tomorrow, but that's all right because I'm fairly sure that Travis will be teething soon, and part of the grandparent deal is not having to babysit when they're teething.

But no, this still does not make me want to adopt another one.

I don't think the last week could have been much longer than it felt; I got all my dad's stuff separated and then what we didn't need to keep (completely different than want, as I was inclined to store it all) we sold to someone who does estate sales.

The property was surveyed and the houses on it inspected, and we'll close on that this coming week; part of me is relieved, but part of me still isn't convinced that once the kids are out on their own we won't regret it.

TK found a decent location to move the dojang into and we've been wrangling with the lease on it; the deal is done and some minor renovations need to take place before we can move equipment and offices over there, but we should be in within 2-3 weeks.

Alex went to the homecoming dance, which meant utilizing Dad's Taxi Service; I have to admit, I minded this less once it hit home that I wouldn't be driving him 45 minutes to pick his girlfriend up, waiting in town all night, and then driving back. Three minutes to her house, ten to the school, and I went home until he called to be picked up. I wound up carting three couples home, and from the loud backseat chatter I think they all had a good time. A sweaty time, too, based on the amped odor level in the car.

But the big thing this week was Char. I still keep waiting for that other shoe to drop and thought it had when she remembered the entire accident; since then, however, she's slept soundly. No nightmares. I've been lying there awake waiting, but she's sleeping. I would still like her to talk to someone, but I can't force her to, and she doesn't see the point.

Starting tomorrow we get Erin's kids for 4 days while she and Miko take a short kidless vacation. The house is going to be loud and we have to block off the kitchen and master bedroom from Travis's crawling explorations (access to the pool from both) and have to keep him from helping Tan and Stoner eat, but it should be fun.

That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

Char has moved past simple remembering of odd things about the accident; at 2 am she flinched out of another nightmare with every single detail right there in front of her. She remembers the sound of the truck plowing into her car, the crunch of metal and shattering of glass, searing pain, seeing the front end of the truck that hit her just inches away from her head, tasting blood, and sheer terror that the hissing she could hear meant the car was going to explode before anyone could get her out. She remembers hearing voices around her, the sound of someone pounding away what was left of the driver's side window, the grunts of physical stress of someone trying to pull her door open and the squeal when it finally gave way; she can feel the agony of being pulled out of the car and dragged to a distance someone uttered was "safe enough."

She can see it all in her head, through half closed eyes clouded with blood and terror, and she can't get away from it. So now, now she needs to see someone, because I can't fix this and she can't live with it.

Nika stayed the night, and was available to drive Char to pick the kids up from school; it gave me the entire day to deal with sorting through my dad's things and deciding what to keep for the kids for later, what to donate, and what will wind up in the eventual estate sale (though I don't know if it's technically an estate sale, but it's close enough that's what it feels like.) After six hours of dealing with it I went to the dojang and taught two classes and then headed home; I opened the door and Rachel was curled up on the sofa doing homework, and Alex was on the floor playing with Kevin, snapping Lego blocks together. I could hear Char and Nika in the kitchen and the smell of what they were cooking hit me at the same time all the laughter did.

That sound held me in place until Stoner and Tank ran at me and the kids noticed I was home. I don't think in all the years Char and I have been married that I've done the stereotypical Dad coming home after work thing, with Mom in the kitchen cooking dinner for everyone (it counts even if she had considerable help from her sister) and the kids sprawled out in the living room. It's always been picking the kids up from school, taking them to the dojang, then scrounging dinner for them while they try to cram homework in before bed. What was playing out in front of me was what Char and I wanted all those years ago when we realized we were going to become parents and we had everything we wanted at our fingertips. I'm not sure how we wandered away from that, but we've got it back and we don't have enough years left to give that to our kids. But at least we have it for now, and I'll be damned if I'll let go of it now.

I never thought I would see the day when I would feel compelled to have a required in-dojang seminar on sexual harassment, with the attendees all between the ages of 10-18. Yet, that is what we’re going to do. I don’t know if I simply haven’t paid close enough attention over the years of if the boys have become that much more disrespectful towards girls, but I'm hearing more and more untoward things spilling out of my male students' mouths, and I've had it. I have no say no what goes on in these kids' homes, but in the dojang I am the final word on acceptable behavior, and I don't ever again want to hear one of them say something so mean, intentionally or not, that makes the girls feel uncomfortable,verbally attacked, or defensive. I don't think that someone of them grasp that it is not all right to tell a girl to suck their balls to grab their crotch and say things like "you want this." I don't think some of them understand that their comments about weight, height, skin tone, etc, make the girls feel bad about themselves. But frankly, I am tired of it; I also know that if these kids are saying things to my daughter, the other girls are likely hearing much worse.

The parents aren't going to like it, but if they don't make their boys attend, they're gone. This is as (or more) important than anything else we have to teach them.

Alex and Kevin will be required to be there, but they already know what happens if I ever hear them speak to a girl the way I've been hearing the other boys speak lately. That is a particular wrath neither wishes to incur.

Living within a real neighborhood evidently means I have to start being social. The start of this was letting the kids invite a few of their nearby friends over, and Char decided it would be a good time to meet all the parents. I could have lived without it, but relented because it was an excuse to pull out the grill and buy a case of beer. It was also a chance to see how open minded the parents of the kids our kids go to school with are; we’ve had decidedly mixed results with this in the past and frankly we were both a little concerned with how Alex’s girlfriend’s (her name is Stephanie, btw) father would take the realization that the white kid he thought he daughter was dating isn’t exactly white.

He’d met both Char and I, but that doesn’t always make things click. We were both curious about his reaction when getting a glimpse of the entire family. Brad, Nika, everyone. Some of the parents had that initial look of confusion when being introduced to Brad and Nika, but it passed and was no big deal, as it should be. Brad got a few sideways glances from a couple of single moms, but Char assures me that was more because he’s not bad to look at and he’s a flirt, an available flirt, and he was making the availability known.

I still worried about Stephanie’s father, because it would matter to Alex more than how he’s been treated in the past. He really likes this girl and I suspect she’ll be around for a while. I quit worrying when I opened the door and he was there with his girlfriend, who is Asian, and her son, who is biracial.

This neighborhood is so damned white it’s damned near blinding, so I admit I had my own preconceived notions about exposing my kids to the potential bigotry around them, but at least among their friends, there’s nothing obvious there to worry about.

I thought it was kind of funny when, after my accident and I was coherent enough to think straight for 3 seconds, that Thumper was online a lot with her IM window open whenever I got online, and that she gave Ian her cell phone number incase I wanted to text someone in the middle of the night. It wasn't as funny the last few days when I kept my IMs open and had my phone set to push IMs to it it, just in case she was awake at odd hours and wanting someone to talk to. I get it now, even though Ian thought it was "cute" and reminded me that she had Mike there taking better care of her than we could through IMs and text messages. I think she and I are both very, very lucky to have these men in our lives. I'm not sure too many would drop everything to play nurse, and they both did. Really, Thump, we need to find a way to thank these guys ;)

All right, I'm ready for Char to be 100% mobile and driving, because if I have to take another kid clothes shopping, I may go just a little bit insane.

Boy, if you're going to sneer at a girl suck my balls you better be sure her father isn't standing behind you, and you'd be wise to not say it at all when he's your TKD instructor. I hope you fucking enjoy the next three classes spent doing pushups.

Lesson learned: the correct response to What would you do without me? is not "masturbate."