Don't Wrap Him in Cotton; He'll Look Like a Tampon

How can you possibly justify sending your son off to school, and then basically tag along? What good comes of uprooting the rest of the family just to be nearby one child “just in case?” He'll have his cousin right there, so why not just let him go?

This has been the undercurrent of many conversations of late, it's not verbatim quotations, merely paraphrasing. Friends are genuinely surprised that we would be willing to just pull up stakes and move to another country with what appears to be little extended consideration. I understand that. My answer, for the most part, has been it worked for my parents, so why shouldn't I give it a try?

My parents didn't leave Ireland on a whim, but it certainly appeared so from the vantage point of outsiders. They'd first discussed it after the death of one of my sisters; in the grip of crushing grief, they wanted out, they both itched to remove themselves from a house echoing in loss, and began to save money in order to do that. They spent years dreaming about where they would go; by the time I was two years old they felt as if they could afford to move, and they picked the place they thought would give their kids the greatest shot at a better life.

Their friends were somewhat surprised; life elsewhere had been mentioned in off-handed ways, but never as a certainty. But from the moment they understood that they needed to experience life elsewhere, someplace they could begin to heal, they knew they were leaving. Their plans began with an inward need, but the decision to specifically live and work in the U.S. was deliberately in favor of what was best for their kids. I am Irish by birth, but American by my parents' choice, and for that I am grateful.

It's because they made that choice that I am able to even entertain the idea of packing up my family and moving them thousands of miles away; it is by their example that I see the benefits my children will reap by taking this step.

For Char and I, this isn't much different from what my parents did. When the kids were all still very young we began discussing the possibility that someday we would live at least part-time in Ireland. Our intention was retirement and travel, while knowing our kids were grown, educated, and doing well on their own. We didn't foresee that Alex would have the opportunities that have come his way, and that they have has opened our eyes to other possibilities.

This truly is not overprotective parents following their child in order to protect him from the world, although I certainly see how it might look that way. If not for Rachel's and Kevin's keen and expressed interest in seeing more of the world they live in, as hard as it would be Char and I would not stand in Alex's way. If not for the idea that we can give all our kids something more than bits and pieces of vacations crammed into not enough time for them to see everything we would like and everything they're interested in, we would have encouraged Alex to go, and we would have accepted that he was on his own in nearly every sense of the word.

For all intents and purposes, he'll still be on his own; he'll be studying in residence, and we won't be so close that he can leave school on a whim. He will have Erin and Miko close by, but by intent Char and I are not going to live that close by. And much of the time we won't be there.

Our retirement plans included a heavy amount of travel; looking at it now, though, it seems to be a better idea to take Kevin and Rachel along, expand their education to a classroom that goes far beyond four walls with occasional breaks for lunch an P.E. We're buying a house within 45 minutes of the school Alex will attend, but our plans have us on the road a good part of the time, allowing his brother and sister the chance to explore and to learn far more about the world that exists outside of U.S. media and their ancient textbooks.

Once the next school year rolls around, we're going to try homeschooling; they're excited about it, and we've promised them one year. If it goes well, we'll continue. If not, we'll make a decision about where to land and enroll them in school. Either back in the U.S. or in schools near where we're moving to (no, sorry, we are not saying. You'd be disappointed if we did, anyway.) If we continue beyond the year and they finish their education this way, then Char and I will decide what to do with ourselves; stay put, follow the original plan and build a house in Ireland, or come back and kick Craig out of our house.

With Erin and Miko leaving and Nika and Peter heading back to his home, it just feels like time for us to go. Over the last few years we've divested ourselves of responsibility of the dojang and I am far enough removed from my job to be certain I'll never go back to it, so the only things holding us here are a few friends and the house. The house is taken care of and the friends we can maintain contact with. Selling the cars and motorcycles will be a pain in the ass, but that's still minor.

Really, the most difficult aspect of this will be moving the dog and the cats; I refuse to take them as cargo, so we'll have to see how this plays out. We may be taking four separate flights, if that's what it takes.

Bizzy, Yo

Busy is an understatement. The last 2 months have been packed, much of it with Char's surgery and recovery, a lot of it with Alex's educational issues.

Right off the bat, Char had hip replacement surgery on February 1st and it went well; she didn't spend a lot of time in the hospital, was up and moving around with a walker in a little over a week, started rehab, killed rehab, and is now getting around just fine on her own. She still aches and still requires PT, but everything went far better than we had hoped and were led to believe it would go.

In the middle of all this Alex has been sweating about which colleges he'd applied to would send acceptance letters and which would send regrets; he fielded numerous calls about his interests and Brad accompanied him on several trips for interviews. He has been genuinely torn, because he has available to him several tremendous opportunities, and he has been conflicted about the direction he wants to go.

Everything came down to two important things: the chance to study abroad, and not wanting to leave everyone behind. He'd been genuinely excited about the prospect of living overseas and having his family close by. Rachel and Kevin had also become very excited. Hell, so had Char and I. We pushed the idea aside when it was clear that she had to have surgery soon, and when her doctor thought she would require months of recovery.

She's doing far better than expected. By the time the school year rolls over, she's likely to be at full recovery.

So, we're likely moving. Every member of this family wants to go, even if only for a year or two. Alex, Miko, and I are heading off to look for places to live while Brad stays here to help Char out, and while we're there Alex will decide between two universities that have offered him a place there.

All the pieces are falling so neatly into place that it makes no sense to not take this opportunity. The biggest worries Char and I had, leaving an empty house and leaving my brother behind, were solved easily enough with Craig's offer to move in for the duration. Frankie will be moving in with him and is possibly more determined than I to make sure he stays clean and sober.

It's not 100%; that will depend on what I find when Miko and I are looking for homes. But I've seen enough of the city to know that we'll find something good, even if temporary.

The kids are excited; I don't think they've truly considered what it will be like to leave their friends behind, but for now they're thrilled.

And oddly enough, I feel relief.