He ain't heavy

I pseudo-lamented last year that our Christmas traditions have changed; the kids are getting older and the things we used to do, like sending them to bed at a reasonable hour so that we can spend an hour or two curled around each other on the sofa, have gone by the wayside. Last year we got home from church, and the kids stayed up. And it was all right; I missed that quite time with Char but realized that there will come a day when I'll wish the kids were all there there making more noise than I would like.

This year I expected more changes; the family is bigger, all the kids are older, and they had their own expectations about how we would celebrate. Alex was fully prepared to suck it up and go to church with us on the 24th, but the truth is that none of us have been to Mass in months, and I wasn't especially inclined to force everyone, myself included into dressing up and sitting through a service I was sure would leave both Alex and myself with a bitter taste. So we stayed home; the kids had friends over until early evening, when Brad and Craig showed up, and for the first time I can remember we spent Christmas Eve at home.

This was also the first Christmas I've spent with my brother in at least 3 decades. To be honest, I wasn't sure how it would go. He had his own traditions with his kids and grandkids and I knew he would miss them, and I really wasn't sure how the stress of being away from his kids would affect him. For his sake, it was an alcohol-free holiday; he wouldn't have said anything if there had been a bottle of wine or if Brad had brought a twelve pack of beer, but neither Char nor I wanted to shove that in his face. Brad was not thrilled, but only because his tradition includes a shot of something strong at midnight. He doesn't remember when he started it, but Char thinks it goes way back to when she was a toddler, but neither of them really remembers.

Weeks ago Char started to pepper Craig with questions about the things he typically did on Christmas. While nothing we did was going to take the sting out of not seeing his grandkids, she was certain that if we embraced a few of his traditions that it might help. And I think she was right; his thing at Christmas is baking, and our kids were all over it. After dinner they spent the evening in the kitchen with him baking cookies and a couple of pies; Char and I sat at the breakfast bar watching and keeping them company, and it was obvious Craig was in his element. I don't think it was the baking so much as it was that he had the kids' attention, cooperation, and more importantly, they hung on every word he said. It was loud and it was messy, but it was also wonderful to see.

The kids were up late into the night again; after the last of the cookies came out of the oven they broke out the board games again, and while Char and I cleaned up the baking mess they gave Craig a taste of what it's like to constantly lose to them.

Christmas day brought the rest of the family; the true test of Craig's ability to withstand the masses. With Erin and Miko's kids here, the noise level shoots through the roof, and it's a constant battle to keep the smallest ones from pulling down the tree, eating things off the floor they shouldn't, crawling or toddling into walls, bookcases, or the TV. Craig put himself in charge of keeping track of Thad and Alex laid claim to Travis, so that Mom and Dad could relax a bit; more than that, it turned into being something to really see, how well my brother interacts with the little kids, and how a grandfather he could be if he got a better chance at it.

I think next year, as his own kids relax about him, he'll have more opportunities to be a grandfather. I don't think he'll ever move back home, but as he holds tight to his sobriety, I see his kids being willing to bring theirs here to visit him. As it is, all of his boys called him on Christmas and he got to talk to most of his grandkids.

How Craig is doing and how determined he is, that's really the only gift I needed this year.

I am proud of him. That's not something I ever thought I would feel where he's concerned. But I am definitely proud of him.

He's been into the Beatles lately

Kevin, singing under his breath as we made our way through the mall in search of facilities:

Let me pee, let me pee, let me pee, oh let me pee; there must be a restroom, let me pee-eeeee

I don't think he realized he wasn't just singing in his head, which just made it funnier to us.

Just don't call him Twinkletoes

Last night was the second holiday dance recital Kevin has participated in. Last year he was the new kid, and as new as he was he held his own and did well enough that people were talking about it later. He showed grace and flexibility, but his creativity stood out. While last year was a mashup of musical genre and dancing styles (Kevin and the older kids who helped him out danced to Stray Cat Strut and were followed by ballet and then a wildly entertaining group Broadway number) they had a holiday theme this year and did most of the numbers in large groups.

One of the things I appreciate about this school is that the instructors allow the kids to explore their own ideas, and they come up with the basic ideas themselves; they flesh it out as a group and the teachers help with the final choreography. The end result is that the performances are fresh and original, a little quirky at times, and the kids really get into it. They don't wind up doing the same things year after year; there's no annual performance of something in particular and nothing written in stone that can't be changed on a whim. New students are taken as seriously as long time students, and there is firm encouragement for the more experienced kids to help their new friends.

The end result is a recital the parents enjoy as much, if not more than, the kids.

Kevin danced in more than half of the numbers this year, and I was blown away by how good he's gotten since last year, and last year I was amazed at his talent and composure. I had one of those moments; this isn't something Kevin does because it's a neat past time. This is something Kevin does because it's what he is.

He was good at TKD (something he still does once a week or so) but he's much more of a dancer than he ever was a martial artist.

Thump has mentioned those moments to me before, when you see your kid doing something and it all clicks into place, when it hits you that they have actually found their "bliss." Char and I were talking about that during intermission, how Thump was on Facebook during the intermission of Romeo and Juliet, talking about how her son can never stop acting. I thought I got it then, but I evidently didn't. But I got it last night.

Granted, I grasp that Kevin is only 11 years old (or, at his insistence, "Almost twelve!") and he interests could switch gears on a whim. My gut, though, tells me this kid is headed for something creative, and as much as I don't want him to be in a hurry to grow up, I also can't wait to see where his interests take him.

Another one I need to scare off

There's another squeaky new-teenage kid hanging around the house, staring at my daughter like she's it and he's going to die if she doesn't smile at him one more more time he dies. And I'm thinking, I can help with that.

He's been sniffing around here for about a week, and I'm not sure what his name is, but I think Rach and Kevin have been calling him "Cheese." Seriously, what I hear is "Cheese" but I haven't wanted her to think I care enough to ask to be sure.

I'd ask Alex, but his reaction to Cheese is close to mine: no trust there, he just glares at the kid. This works for me, because if this kid is as afraid of Alex as he seems to be of me, maybe he won't be the little dick that SETH! turned out to be.

I've made it pretty clear to Rachel that he can hang around here the same as her other friends, but there's no going out yet. She turns 14 in January, and if he's still hanging around, I'll relent then.

Since the school change, Rachel and Kevin have both been much happier kids. It's been interesting to see them explore their individuality; they don't have to wear uniforms to school anymore, so we did cut them loose in the mall for the most part (Rachel shopped with Alex, Kevin was with us but he had free reign) to buy school clothes, and I admit I was surprised at their choices. Alex was given permission to say no to some things we thought Rachel would want, but for the most part she's dressing far more conservatively than we supposed she would. Jeans and cute t-shirts, tighter than I would like but Char has pointed out more than once that we can't fight biology, and the shirts are going to seem tighter to dad than they really are. I expected Kevin to head for designer clothing since he seems interested in it, but he wanted jeans, slacks, and t-shirts. I really thought he would be the kid in the dress slacks and fitted dress shirts, and I still see him in that in high school, but he wants to be comfortable to horse around, something he actually gets time to do in the new school.

We can't complain about their grades, either. Rachel is trying again, mostly B's, and Kevin is doing really well, A's and B's with a little struggling in math, but Alex is helping him there.

And Alex is facing finals; he recently got the first C of his life and it was a wake-up call for him. A good thing, overall. He's using all his free time to study and to help Stephanie with her homework (really, it's a way for them to spend time together since they don't have much right now.) He put in the paperwork to graduate at the semester break, and next semester it will be college classes only, but we also talked to the principal and she wanted Alex to understand that he is still considered a part of the class and is welcome to attend the prom and other activities until the end of the year.

After the end of the semester, though, his focus in on February 2, 2011. Not that he gives a damn about his mother's and my 16th anniversary: he can get his learner's permit then. Presuming I allow it.

Just stuff

While my brother was visiting his kids over Thanksgiving, TK was out doing something I didn’t think he’d ever do. He went house hunting. His apartment is nice enough, but he feels it’s getting tight when his kids are there, and he’s pretty sure his living arrangements with Craig are going to be long term. I worried about that for a fraction of a second, because it felt like I was pushing my brother off on him, but he was quick to point out that he likes having Craig as a roommate and this will help continue that, and he really needs more space for his kids. He’s found a few places he’s interested in, but waited until Craig came back to look at them.

We’re all pretty sure Craig is here long term. He had a hard time at home, and stayed for the most part in the house. He wasn’t willing to venture out often because he worried about the people he would run into and the temptations that would pull at him. Here, those people aren’t an issue, and he hasn’t created any undesirable places to hang out. He’s not working a program like AA, but he is staying in therapy, working with a psychiatrist specializing in addiction issues.

He’s doing well, and I’m proud of him. I never thought he would come this far, and I never thought we would have any kind of amicable relationship again. But we’re here, he’s becoming more a part of the family every day, and we’re hanging out.

His next step is finding a job. Five years ago he could have walked into a job easily; his personal life was screwed up but he’s always been damned good at his job, but right now he probably can’t even get seasonal work. We want him to wait for January or even February, once the holidays are over, but he seems bent on at least trying.

I have to support that. He’s willing to have the door slammed in his face, but who knows, he might land something really good.

I’ve got my fingers crossed for him.