A slice of news to me: Char probably could have gone home by Friday, but the PT people feel I will not push her hard enough at home. In fact, they are sure I will baby her and not let her do even routine things that she needs to attempt on her own. My assurances mean little, so she’s staying over the weekend. No, I don’t like seeing her in pain and I will do everything I can to make that not happen, but I’m not stupid and I understand that there is a process to recovery that would be in her best interests to suffer through.

I have arranged for private PT and I’ve taken a leave of absence so that I can drive her to and from every day. I won’t try to make her lounge in bed all day. If she says she can do something then she can do it except try to walk down the stairs on her own.

Tonight she is mad as hell, but it has nothing to do with laundry or anything stupid I’ve said or done or not said or done. Tonight she was informed by the orthopedic surgeon that she can forget TKD for at least a year because it’s going to take at least that long for her to heal enough. If she goes back before then she risks disability. The dojang has already lost Dack as a regular instructor and I haven’t been on the schedule on a weekly basis for several years. Mostly it’s TK and Char and without her he’s going to take on a significant burden. I can step up and take a couple of classes a week but once I go back to work I’m not sure how many classes I can teach.

It will eventually work out, but she’s freaking out at the idea that not only can she not train, but the onus is on TK. Long story short on him, he was just getting back to having a social life and having to take most of the classes is going to be a kick in the nuts for him.

Dack dropped the kids off to have lunch with Char and me today and we went down to the cafeteria. Alex is grunting at me, which is an improvement. He evidently told Rachel and Kevin about my horrible past of having an ex-wife and they had questions, but neither of them is upset by the idea. For Rachel it was more of a so-what thing and Kevin feigned shock and said dramatically “Well next thing I know you’re going to tell me I’m adopted!” He got an almost-laugh out of Alex and a “they found you under a rock” from Rachel.

I get what’s happening with Alex. 12-16 can be hard years, especially with boys. Still, the entire process of individuation isn’t any easier because I know that’s what’s happening. We’ve been butting heads for a few months and we’ll keep butting heads, and from his POV it doesn’t help that Char and I are considerably more strict that his friends’ parents seem to be. I’ll give him another day or two to chew on it but at some point I have to let him know the attitude is unacceptable and I’m finished tolerating it. Any other time I would have put my foot down by now but I have to give the kids some leeway right now. He may be less angry about finding out about my ex than he is that he needs his mother to come home.

I would have guessed that of all the kids Kevin would be taking this the hardest, but he’s doing better than I expected. It helps that Char calls him every day. Rachel is pretty much the same, as long as she can talk to Char and knows that everything is eventually going to get back to normal she’s fine. Alex, though, I think he feels quite a bit like I do. Like he should have been able to do something to stop this from happening and that he should be able to do something now to help her feel better and to heal. There’s a lot of anger directed at me because while he wishes he could fix everything, I should have fixed everything by now. It doesn’t matter that he also understands that’s not remotely realistic. It’s just age and his disposition at work.

As annoyed as he is--I came home tonight to find my laundry done and folded and stacked on my bed. And he did it for me.

Tomorrow I am not heading for the hospital as early (and Char is already aware of this and doesn’t expect me) to spend some time with the kids. They’ve been patient enough and even though they’ve had fun with Dack and Theresa it would be nice if they got to have some fun with one of their parents. I don’t do well sitting in theaters but there’s a movie they want to see and I’d selfishly like to be the one that takes them. Dack and Theresa would if the kids asked, but it would also be nice if they didn’t have to ask anyone and they just got to go.