Char is right; the longer I’m off work the more I don’t want to go back. I had reservations about taking this job in the first place. I accepted an early retirement of sorts not too long after Kevin was born and went back to school, but a few years ago an offer was dangled in front of me that was difficult to pass up. It wasn’t an issue of pay, it was the idea that what I earned would secure a comfortable retirement when I was ready to actually retire.

After I finished my masters and PhD I taught a few classes, and I did quite a bit of first-reader editing work, and I enjoyed both of those immensely. I was home all the time, I was actively engaged in the dojang, and I spent hours every day with my kids. Just enough time was spent working to keep Char from being driven insane by my constant presence, and I loved what I was doing.

Then came the offer, and after a few weeks of debate I accepted it. I’ve spent weeks on the road, I’ve given up teaching, and other than a few favors I’ve done no editing or writing since then. I live on antacids. I don’t sleep much.

It should be an easy decision, but it’s not. We can live comfortably if I quit, but I have less certainty about thirty years from now than I did when I took the job. I have three kids to put through college, and I don’t doubt that each of them will complete at least a Master’s degree. Scholarships are possible but if not, I owe that to my kids; I owe it to them because I expect it of them.

Still, the more time I spend at home the more I think I don’t need the aggravation of long trips away from my wife and kids. I can make money some other way.

I don’t want to be half a world away and get another phone call like the one I got on July first.

We have time to decide; and without a doubt this is not something I would decide without Char’s considerable input. I might buy a car and hope she likes it, but I can’t quit a job and hope she doesn’t have valid reasons why I shouldn’t. I need her to help me clarify whether quitting would be a selfish want or a compelling need.

It can’t come down to money. It might, but it really shouldn’t come down to money.