Watching the kids get in this last week's worth of workouts before their test on Saturday has been quite telling in the differences between them.

Kevin is excited; to him this is fun, and he wants to earn his black belt mostly because he senses the parental pride that will come with it, in spite of our efforts to not let them think that we find the rank-chase a worthy effort. We don't. We've tried to make sure over the years that all the kids see that we value the art itself and the progress they make, not whatever color happens to be hanging around their waist while they're in class. But he knows that when (not if; he's incredibly confident) he passes the test, we'll both be very proud of him. And we will; perhaps not because it's a black belt, but because he's embraced his training willingly and has earned every belt he's tested for.

Rachel wants to earn her black belt, too, but her approach is more like "if I pass, I pass; if I don't, life will go on." She's training extra this week, but she's not killing herself to find perfection; she understands that she's either already developed the skills she needs or she hasn't. If she falls short, there's always the next testing cycle, or the one after that, if she wants to continue with it. I think she does, but she's also looking forward to being a more typical student, only setting foot in the dojang two or three times a week. This isn't her passion; she enjoys it, but she wouldn't be crushed without it.

Alex wants to pass this test more than anything. He's training hard; he was willing to spend all day at my dad's house working but he still wanted to hit the dojang afterward to work out (but to be clear, because this is so important to him the work on my dad's house is suspended, and he'll help after school starting next week.) His intensity is incredible; Ian takes all the kids to the dojang in the morning, I pick up Rachel and Kevin after 90 minutes or so, and he stays with Alex to work for another 2-3 hours. Where the kids all want to get it right, Alex wants to touch perfection, and he wants to understand every movement, both in action and reason.

All the kids get that part of the reason we gave them no choice about training when they were younger is that we wanted them to have an understanding of self defense, and we wanted them to develop a habit of physical activity. That Kevin finds it fun was a bonus, and that Rachel understands that it's not her life, but a small sliver of it is wonderful. But Alex wants something more from it; he found it fun when he was younger, too, but he wants to step beyond that and beyond being able to defend himself. He's embracing the discipline that comes with getting beyond that first degree black belt; he wants to analyze it and he wants to develop the control that comes with taking it seriously.

When this test is over on Saturday, it really will mark a change in our lives. We've asked the kids to carefully consider the schedules they want to follow, what activities are most important to them, and which things they won't be heartbroken over not being able to do, because honestly, with three of them and two of us, they may not get to do everything they want because we can't be in two places at once. I do know that we won't be taking them to classes at the dojang every day; there will be dance lessons, swim team practice, baseball, and other things that capture their interests. But on Sunday we'll sit down with them and start trying to figure out who gets to do what, and when, and try to make it as fair as possible. I suspect the things they choose will be as diverse as they've shown themselves to be. Kevin will go for whatever is most fun for him, Rachel will bounce from activities that suit her whims at the time, and Alex will choose whatever he can use to develop the most focus and control.

Before we get to all that, though, I hope they take a break, because I think Ian and I need a nap.