Some of the questions I get surprise me...

Do you really think your youngest kid is gay?

This is a question that I've left sitting in my formspring inbox for several days; it's not the first time I've gotten it in one form or another, both here and IRL. I've deleted it in the past (and deleted it from formspring) and essentially taken to task people asking it. My son is eleven years old; he shouldn't be defined by a concept as adult as sexuality yet. Still, I have touched on the issue several times, not intending to be evasive, but apparently have been.

The truth is that we don't know. I doubt Kevin knows. By this age with Alex and Rachel there was little doubt, though either one could surprise the hell out of us at any point, because frankly, they're all kids and are undoubtedly struggling with what they feel, why, and for whom. Just because Alex has a girlfriend and spends more time fishing for her tonsils than I'd like, that doesn't mean anything in the long run. Just because Rachel has a massive crush on a squeaky kid named Seth, who knows.

It doesn't matter. Our kids are who they are, and we love them unconditionally. We will welcome into our home and our lives whomever they end up with; all we really want—and I do feel safe in speaking for Char on this—is that they find someone they love who loves them back, and that they indulge in commitment and not in stereotypes. I don't want any of them bed hopping their way through college; I don't relish the idea that some of the absurd garbage that spews on Texts From Last Night could be submitted by one of my kids.

They could all be gay, all be straight, whatever. It doesn't change anything. I'll accept whomever they are, however they are.

However.

That doesn't mean we don't have some valid concerns. No, we don't know in which direction Kevin is headed, and we'll do whatever we have to in order to help him find his way if he needs it, but I do worry about the judgment he'll get at the hands of others, and I worry how difficult high school is going to be for him. How tormented will he be, or will he be at all? Is he the kid we pull out of parochial school in favor of public, just to save his sanity? Would it even matter?

Whether my youngest is gay or straight or bisexual, he marches to his own drumbeat; his interests certainly give one pause, and the older he gets the more obvious the differences between him and Alex at the same age become. He skirts around the stereotype; he loves the arts, particularly the grace of dance, he's developing a killer sense of fashion, he's slightly built, and he simply has that vibe.

He's also got a major crush on Elizabeth (he still practically says her name in italics) and talks about “someday” being married with kids.

None of it means anything.

All I care about is what he's facing; either way, unless puberty brings some major changes, people are going to make assumptions about him, and treat him based on those assumptions. People can be cruel and judgmental, and that's not something I want my son to have to face.

It's not something I can completely protect him from; but what his mother and I can do is make sure that all of our kids understand that this home is someplace safe, where they will be loved no matter what, treated with respect no matter what, and that the people with whom they have relationships will be welcome.