Her hangover mostly abated, Char decided tonight was a good night to offer babysitting services to Erin and Miko. Essentially this meant “bring the kids over, Grandpa will suffer diaper duty and will intimidate his granddaughter into eating broccoli and I will play with them.” I don’t mind diapers and I don’t mind staring down a 6 year old until the vegetables are gone, but I expect something for it and being the one to play with them would be nice.

When our kids were told their cousins were coming over, they couldn’t have been happier. They learned quickly that if I have to cook for a 6 year old, it’s going to be hot dogs and macaroni & cheese with a broccoli chaser, something that turns Char’s stomach (Do you know what’s in hot dogs? That’s not even real cheese! How can you feed them that?) And they started making plans for activities with the 6 year old that did not involve either Char or myself.

Basically, I was down to feeding through intimidation and diapers. Play time with my granddaughter was usurped, but hell, I could hold the boy hostage.

Except that Alex got to his baby cousin first and I don’t think I held him for more than 5 minutes in the first four hours he was here. I waited for the first dirty diaper to rear its ugly head, but Alex took care of that. He handled the bottles. And he wandered through the living room carrying the baby and announced that he really wanted one of these. From the other side of the sofa I heard Char mutter I am tying your dick in a knot until you’re twenty five.

Considering he can out walk her run right now, he wasn’t worried.

Char and I didn’t actually get any time with either of the grandkids until an hour before Erin and Miko came to pick them up, and then it was only because Rachel wanted to make cookies and they handed the baby over because they knew their attentions would be divided.

I think it struck both of us while we sat on the sofa holding a very sleepy baby: Alex turns 14 in less than three weeks. Erin landed on our doorstep when she was just shy of sixteen, and shortly after that Miko was sniffing around, trying to convince me he was worthy of dating my niece. He had a brand new driver’s license and a POS car, he barely had peach fuzz, and he wanted to take my niece places.

I did not relent easily. Aside from the circumstances under which we assumed custody of Erin, I had never parented a teenage girl; Char wasn’t that far removed from those years and was perhaps more sympathetic than I, but our parental experiences were limited to someone who spoke monosyllabically and ran around with gummi worms hanging out of his nose.

Miko was patient. He spent an entire year not dating Erin, but hanging around our house, allowing us the time to get to know him and trust him. I don’t doubt that there wasn’t a whole lot of tonsil hockey being played when we weren’t looking, but he was respectful without being boorish about it, and I gradually warmed up to him.

Char made the decision, finally. She caught me when my defenses were down and pointed out that their prom was four months away, and it would probably be a good idea if I let them go on an actual date before then. Whatever Erin had done before she came to live with us didn’t count; she’d earned our trust and deserved to have it shown. I relented; as long as he had her back by curfew—and I was a son of a bitch about what time—they could go out.

He never failed to have her home at least half an hour before curfew. The night of their junior prom, while we waited in the living room and I grudgingly said he could keep her out until 2, when the venue they would be at officially closed, he was man enough to look me in the eye and tell me he knew what I was most concerned about, and he would absolutely not try that.

I got no promise the next year while he waited for her to get ready for their senior prom, and I do not want to know; what I do know is that he has always treated her with respect, and he has always treated my relationship with her with respect.

Alex is in his sophomore year; it’s a year early, but in a few months he will be at a point in school where Erin was when Miko first began working overtime to be allowed to date her. If we hold him to my anger-inspired declaration that he’s not dating until he’s sixteen, he’ll be a senior. He wouldn’t have that experience of being stared down by someone’s father for his junior prom, and he won’t have the opportunity to prove himself, either to a girl’s father or to us, before he’s very nearly out of high school.

The greater question becomes whether or not we risk stunting him socially because I had a knee jerk reaction to his sixteen year old girlfriend, or we hold fast because I don’t want him making hormonal mistakes when he’s too young to have a clear head about them.

Char reminded me that I gave Miko a chance just by letting him hang around here; Erin wasn’t ready to actually date for a long time after she moved in, but I did let the little hornball stay for hours on end. Alex is at least as mature as those two were, so why not give him the chance?

I’m not sure I’m happy about it, but she is right. And I appreciate that she’s trying to make it seem like this was my decision when we both know who made it. Alex won’t be able to drive for two more years, so chances are he’ll have to avail himself of Dad’s Taxi, but we’re going to allow him to at least put himself out there.