You cannot, it’s been pointed out more than once lately, “shrink” your own wife. I don’t think that’s what I do; in any case, I’ve never practiced clinical psychology so technically… I think it would be more accurate to say I’m a general pain in the ass, and go overboard trying to figure her out because I don’t want to repeat past mistakes. I don’t want to make assumptions and be wrong enough to make things worse. I do it anyway, and for that I will grab hold of the stereotype and blame gender.

My impulse is to fix things, even when I clearly understand I can’t. I want to understand how things and people work. To that end I drive my family a little bit nuts and they’re usually tolerant of it. Char knows me well enough to distract me with something else to contemplate when I’m getting on her nerves, but like she said, at three in the morning combining my tendency to over analyze with her current sensitivities (and I’m the first to admit she has every reason to be overly sensitive these days, with or without my marital cooperation) those two things aren’t a good combination.

I keep trying to put myself in her shoes: in pain, stepping back from daily routine, having to rely in someone else for help with everyday tasks, dependent on others for transportation and having to give up teaching TKD; she’s doing it without much complaint, she hides the pain from the kids, and truthfully I don’t think I could do it all. I’d be whining and more temperamental, and I’m certain my sense of self would take a giant nose dive.

I wish we could go back and start that conversation over, at a time when we’re both awake and thinking straight, but trust me, I get that I added to her list of things she has to deal with.

Here’s one of the wonderful things about my wife: while I’m still chewing on things, she’s over it and has moved onto something else. She forgives my stupid shit long before I can stop worrying about it. Considering the sheer amount of stupid shit I drop at her feet, that’s an amazing thing.

Another thing about my wife: she has no problems issuing ultimatums. Most of the time it’s for my own stubborn benefit and in spite of whatever misgivings I have, she’s almost always right in the things she puts her foot down over.

In that I don’t think I’m much different than our kids. I do and say some of the most monumentally stupid things, but at least they have age as an excuse. She balances me, and I learned a long time ago that if she gets to that point, it really is in my best interests to do what she says.

Resistance is futile. It gets me out of the doghouse early, anyway.