My father in law has been a tremendous help over the last six weeks (and yeah, it’s been six weeks today. It seems like it just happened, like the horror is still hanging over us like a nightmare that won’t go away, and it seems like it happened months ago.) He sucked it up when I know he felt like he should be the one sitting by Char’s bedside night after night and let me be with my wife. He’s taken up my parental slack, being with the kids with I couldn’t and when Dack and Theresa had other obligations, and he’s stood back and let me do the bulk of caring for and helping Char.

I know that hasn’t been easy for him, and I know it feels contrary to him. Char is his oldest daughter, but she’s really the only one he has a strong relationship with. She’s Daddy’s Little Girl, as much as Rachel is mine. They have the relationship that I pray I’ll always have with Rachel, and I know there were times when he wanted me to just go away and let him be Char’s father.

He could have asked me for anything, and I would have done whatever I needed to in order to give it to him. All he wanted, he asked for today. And all he wanted was to spend some time alone with his daughter. No kids, no husband hovering nearby, just him and his little girl.

Rachel and Kevin went to a movie with Dack and Alex went to the dojang with TK (he realized recently that he can test for his 2nd degree in a year, and he’s being proactive in his training and tackling it head on, without any prodding from me.) Brad and Char had the whole day together; they went to lunch, he took her to rehab, and afterward he sat with her at home while she slipped into a nice Percoset fog.

She needed the time with him as much as he needed time with her.

Me? I finally went to start taking care of loose ends. I saw Char’s car, with the idea that I would see if I could get any of her things from the trunk, but it’s not possible. And there is no way in hell I will ever let her see that wreckage or pictures of it. I saw a lawyer; we’re not suing the other driver’s estate but I want our asses covered in case they try to find some way to sue us. I spent time with my accountant. And the last thing I did before going home was go into work, where I handed in my resignation.

I officially quit.

I’ll be held to several nondisclosure agreements, but they’re not holding me to my contract; if I hadn’t quit I would have needed an extended leave of absence which rendered me useless anyway. My gut tells me that Char is going to need someone on hand for at least six months, and while I could hire someone or even rely on Brad, I don’t want to. She doesn’t want me to.

And I want more time with my kids. Alex starts his sophomore year next week, Rachel starts eighth grade, and Kevin fifth; I feel like I’m running out of time with them and being gone in 5 week chunks wasn’t cutting it. I’ll take Char’s place in the dojang for the time being, which gives me all the time she needs from me, and I can spend as much time with the kids as they’ll tolerate.

The more time I have to be here for them, it means there’s more opportunity for Brad to have time with his daughter. I can be a grownup about it. I can share.