I could be, and probably should be, absolutely furious that Ian not only wrote but actually hit submit on that post, but I’m not. As soon as I read it I understood why he wrote it, and I mostly (not completely) understand why he posted it. He’s obsessively private about things that most people have no problem sharing (don’t ask him where he lives or what he used to do for a living, because his hackles go up and he’s instantly suspicious why you want to know), but he’s also very open about whatever happens to be brewing in his brain. In this relationship he is the more emotionally charged and he chews on everything. While he’s chewing, he writes. He has volumes of journals stored in a box in the closet, and doesn’t care if I read them.

When he’s not writing he wants to dissect everything. He has to know why I feel what I feel, and he has this need to understand everything. Sometimes, I just want to get angry with him or hurt without having to explain it or figure it out, and this just happened to be one of those times. The truth is, yesterday morning we both said a lot of hurtful things to each other, far more than he wrote about. We both own apologies. He’ll take the blame for it, but I started it. What I don’t want to do is endlessly dissect it.

For the record we did talk it out last night and we both agree this isn’t really about sex so much as it is about sheer frustration. Maybe a little about sex. I think his post made it seem like a much bigger problem than it really is. I’m a little over sensitive right now and taking things the wrong way, and he’s trying too hard to figure me out. At three in the morning, those aren’t good combinations.