You know how nerve grating it is when people brag about how smart their kids are, especially when it's couched in complaints about it? That's exactly what this sounds like. We have a kid with brains, and it poses problems for us every now and then, and right now, the needs his intelligence creates is problematic.

He started out in the public school system, until his teachers basically threw their hands up and asked us to move him up a grade (something he didn't want to do) or home school him (something we didn't want to do.) At the same time, he was bored out of his mind, and was starting to hate school. The grade school had no gifted program; quite the opposite, the more we poked into it the more we realized not only were they teaching for testing, they were also teaching to the slowest kids in the class, leaving behind the kids who were average or slightly above average. We made the then painful (for Alex) decision to pull him out of the public school and enroll him and Rachel into a parochial school. They had the programs he needed, and looking beyond grade school, if he continued on the pace he was at, they would have the classes he would need in high school.

It's not cheap. The tuition for this school for three kids is like buying a new, nicely-loaded car every damned year, but we've always justified it as worth it because the kids are getting a very good education. We often refer to the school (not quite fondly) as Our Lady of Perpetual Hands Out, because on top of the tuition they're always asking for donations to fund non-academic programs, like drama, band, choir, and sports. We've donated every year we've been asked, because those things make up part of the school experience we want our kids to have. Rachel and Kevin participate in choir. They all go to see their friends in drama. They cheer on the sports teams.

A few days ago Char and I were called in to see Alex's counselor; the gist of it is that as of the end of this school year they're losing (getting rid of) most of their advanced academics. Enrollment has dropped and cuts have to be made. For Alex this means that some of the classes he would have taken, calculus, advanced biology, chem 2, physics, and trig, will no longer be available. What the school wants us to do is enroll him in the community college part time so that he can still take those classes, and leave him in the high school part time to finish up the required classes he needs to graduate.

There is no part-time tuition for this school; if he's there for one class a day or six, we're still paying the full tuition.

Theoretically, he could test out of every class he needs and graduate early. Realistically, he's a very social kid and needs to be in school with kids his own age. He needs to be around his friends, and he needs to have as much of the high school experience that he can. He's just started dating, and he should have the chance to get to know as many girls as he can if he wants; I don't think that option will be available to him if he leave high school too early. I don't care how damned smart he is; he deserves what's left of his childhood.

The past few days most of what Char and I have discussed in private is what to do about this; we don't want to do the wrong thing and we're not 100% sure what the right thing is. Yesterday Char was on the phone with Evan's mother finalizing plans for the boys' Valentine's day dates, and realized (because, hell, we're just not as smart as Alex is) we aren't the only parents grappling with this. Evan's parents are also trying to decide what to do; pull him out, send him to the community college, or both. This is especially problematic for them, because they both work and can't take off in the middle of the day to pick Evan up from one school and take him to another.


It was an excuse to meet with Evan's parents for lunch today. There are undoubtedly other kids in their class affected by this, but for now we're focusing on these two and what we can do for them. They shared our concerns about a social life for their son; he's a little older than Alex but has been very shy and has only recently worked up the nerve to speak to girls. They're afraid that if they pull him out of school that he'll never get past the shyness that has until now held him back. He's learning confidence from his friends; remove him from that environment and his foundation crumbles. None of us want our kids to look back and have regrets about what they missed if we have them test out and move on.

Yet, these boys have post high school goals that require having those advanced classes. I am annoyed at having to pay full tuition for Alex to take just a couple of high school classes, and then piling more tuition on top of it. But annoyed is all I am; Evan's mother works solely to pay for his tuition, and finding the funds for college classes and books on top of that is expecting nearly the impossible.

Granted, the changes don't take place until next fall, but we all have to decide soon, because they have to take placement tests for math and science in order to secure enrollment. Evan's parents need to secure financial aid. And none of us want our lives to become reduced to being a student taxi service, but that may be where we're headed, until one of the boys gets a driver's license.

Granted, too, unless I win the battle of Will Undr Get A Job* before then, Char and I can jockey the driving of kids around, and if we're hauling Alex back and forth we can haul Evan as well, but it will be a giant pain in the ass, and I think we all resent being put in this position.

*a battle I am currently losing.