7.

April 19, 1994

Charlie and I had lunch today and I realized something; we're talking about life as if we both expect to be together a couple of years from now. We're making plans. Before I had to get back to work I asked if she thought she would ever want to see Ireland or Brazil or even Arkansas with me and she does, but when she kissed me goodbye she asked, kind of kidding, at least I think she was kidding, if she was going to die a virgin. All I could tell her was to not get hit by a bus on the way home.

I was only kidding. We had relaxed enough with each other (all right, I relaxed); he wasn't holding back because he wasn't sure about being in a relationship with me or because there was something wrong with me, and he made it clear he wanted to know me, not just in a biblical sense yet, that we were talking about everything, from the real, painful reasons I hadn't dated in high school to the guys I had dated half-heartedly after that. He was open to talking about his marriage and divorce and what he thought went wrong, and his insight and ability to forgive was incredible and touching. We were rapidly discovering so much about each other, including the fact that we both wanted kids and wanted a traditional kind of family life, though we skirted around saying we wanted it with each other. I think the only thing that held him back from that was that I wasn't Catholic and he wasn't sure how that could play out because he knew he wanted to raise his kids in his religion, but we were talking about things we wanted to do together, like trips to Ireland. He wanted me to try out Tae Kwon Do and I convinced him to take a dance class with me. Because God, that man could dance, and I wanted to be able to not just keep up with him, but give him half the thrill on the dance floor he gave me.

We were also stepping beyond typical dating and spent a lot of time just hanging out together. It wasn't unusual for him to just show up after work and cook dinner for the both of us, or to come over and do paperwork while I read or watched TV. He didn't feel pressed to entertain me, he cleaned up after himself, and I was quite happy to have him hanging around, even though he pointedly went back to his own apartment every night.

We'd become best friends.

I could tease him about not being willing to sleep with me, though if I had realized how long it was going to take him to understand that I was looking at our future as something incredibly long term, I might have issued an ultimatum.