Erin and Miko are literally just blocks away now, close enough that I can call and they can be here in five minutes. I know this but it didn't quite click until Ian put the phone in my hand, told me to not do anything physical, and he went to pick the kids up from school and then took them to the dojang. This afternoon was literally the first time I've been alone since the accident. I keep telling him it's fine to leave me alone for at least short periods of time, but I think he had convinced himself that two seconds after he walked out the door I was going to try butt-surfing down the stairs. Now that there are no stairs, he's relaxed. And this was his idea; I hadn't asked him to leave me at home and was ready to go with him, but he handed me the phone and reminded me Erin was close by and knew I'd be here alone...and he left.

I thought I'd be thrilled when I finally got some time to myself, but honestly, I spent the first hour barely moving and nearly afraid that I would get up and fall, or get away from the phone and realize I needed help. I sat on the couch and listened to the dogs breathing across the room, and sort of hid myself in the quiet until the phone rang and scared me so much that I tossed it over by Stoner; then I had to get up to answer it. I had to laugh, because it was Ian, telling me he had a feeling I was just sitting there and it was all right to get up as long as I didn't try to pick anything up. I know he realized the phone ringing had startled me because he was laughing, then he told me he loved me and he'd be home in two hours.

He is so upset about the piano, and the kids are, too. Alex was angry and Kevin felt bad, but Rachel cried when he told her it was broken badly enough it couldn't be fixed. The oldest two have waited for a long time to be given permission to play it, and both were probably less than a year away from Ian letting them. We can replace it (it was insured and the move was insured, but they'll depreciate its value) but it may be the only material thing Ian actually treasured, so I imagine it will be a while before he's even willing to think about it.