Alex was in my office this afternoon, humoring me by letting me read over a paper he has to turn in tomorrow, when Rachel came in to tell him his “best friend” had just walked into the dojang. I’ve met Alex’s best friend; the kid has no interest or inclination in stepping foot into the dojang, and when Alex sighed hard, I looked to Rachel for an explanation.

Alex’s new best friend (we’ll call him Damien just because) referred to Alex’s girlfriend as a cow, following her down the hallway mooing, When Alex took exception and got in his face (verbally, no hitting took place) Damien informed him that he better back off because he was “taking karate” and was fucking good at it and if he didn’t back down he would snap Alex’s skinny little self in two.

What ensued, my daughter informed me, was a lot of macho spite talk (“yeah, you fucking wish,” “I can turn you into oatmeal you pasty piece of shit”) but Alex never told Damien that his pasty, skinny little self has been hanging around tae kwon do from birth and training from age six. The bell rang and they parted.

Sixteen year old Damien has been a student here for all of two or three weeks; while he’s been in class Alex has either been in my office doing homework or in the pool swimming laps with his mother. Their paths have not crossed. Today, however, was an opportunity for both boys to learn a lesson, so I told Alex to go change clothes and meet me on the floor.

Damien took note of Alex walking towards the locker room and laughed, telling one of the other students that obviously Alex was afraid and wanted to learn to defend himself. He was filled with cocky confidence, and as teenaged boy tend to do, began talking about how many fights he’s been in and won, and how the first time they got to spar he was going to teach Alex a lesson.

I didn’t say a thing to him but called the class to line up and told them that the younger Mr. Murphy was going to warm up the class, after which we would split into groups and work on front and reverse punches. Then Alex walked in, tugging on his belt to tighten it as he moved to the front of the class.

I have never seen a kid go from cocky to terrified as fast as Damien did. Alex didn’t acknowledge him but began the class as we always do and got them sweating and huffing; when I stepped back onto the floor I brought another advanced student with me and split the class into two groups, Damien in Alex’s group, then stepped back to watch.

I know Alex was irritated, but he swallowed it and never let it show. He corrected wrist position on all of his new students, showed them how to combine punches, and praised them when they got it right, including Damien.

With fifteen minutes left in class I allowed my inner asshole out and had all the students sit around the edge of the floor and had Alex and the other advanced student gear up and spar as a demonstration of how far they can all expect to go if they stick with it. I stressed controlled hits, wanting them to show speed, agility, precision, and creativity, and gave them 3 minutes to go at it as hard as they could without hitting hard.

Ideally, the lesson was about control. I expect control from my students; I expect for them to learn that they can practice hard without killing each other. I allowed questions, knowing that new students always want to know how they learn the control, and if they’re suppose to never hit that hard, how do they learn to do it? And how much does it hurt to get hit? If someone my size hits someone their size, can they even fight back?

I sparred with my son, medium to hard contact, take-downs allowed. I allowed Alex to get inside my guard a few times so that he could demonstrate that yes, it is possible for someone as thin and wiry as Alex to take down someone as tall as I am, someone much heavier.

This is not an unusual lesson; we often show new students what they can expect (though it’s usually TK and Char, and Char will wipe up the floor with him as proof that girls are just as good at this as boys), but I admit, the Jerk Dad (the guy thinking yes, you little shit, my kid can destroy you) part of me wanted Damien to get a clue. If he started something with Alex, he was not going to be able to finish it. It wouldn’t have to be a matter of Alex hitting or hurting him; Alex is fast enough and has the endurance to simply allow someone with Damien’s skills to throw punch after punch and evade until the fight is over due to a complete loss of energy. He can win a fight without ever throwing a punch (which I expect in school situations, and he knows this) and he won’t be the one gasping for air when it’s over.

Alex had more than one opportunity to get in Damien’s face and remind him about how good he said he was at “karate” but he didn’t take it; he treated Damien the same way he treats all the students he trains with and helps to teach. I’m 99% sure that at school tomorrow he won’t mention it to Damien. I would hope Damien would hedge his bet and go apologize to Alex’s girlfriend, but I doubt he’ll clue into the fact that his bigger issue is not laying claim to skills he doesn’t have but complete disrespect towards the girl.

It would be nice if he would clue in and apologize to her tomorrow, but I know better than to expect that much.