This has been one of the longest days I've had in a while; the only day recently that felt longer was probably the day my wife broke my favorite toy and sent me to the ER. I got to Craig's just before midnight last night, and he was still winning the staring contest with the bottle of bourbon. I don't know why his son didn't pour it out; he says it didn't occur to him, but my gut tells me he wanted to torture Craig just a little bit.
Payback, I guess. I poured it out and chucked the bottle into the trash hard enough to break it (thinking, realistically or not, that he might try to get it and suck up the last few drops) while his son said his goodbyes for the night. I had momentary worry about falling asleep and leaving a very craving-laden Craig awake with car keys and cash, but his middle son showed up a bit later to sit up and make sure that I had a chance to sleep without worrying about my brother wandering off.
In June Craig turns 50; he now looks like he's in his 60s, and he looks every bit as tired as he sounds. Hell, my first thought was that he looks like shit. When he said he was afraid taking one more drink would kill him, he wasn't kidding. I don't think he has another bender in him.
But, he was in a good mood today, and if not for the reason I was there it could have been just a routine visit. I spent the morning on the phone looking for a rehab center that could get him in within the a couple of days, we had lunch with our sister (who, fuck her, was surprised she has more than one grandkid from her daughter, and wasn't all that impressed that she's about to have another) and I got to see my nephews.
The only place I could find that will take him now is out of state, so we're leaving late tonight and checking him in tomorrow. He's more than a little bit afraid of what this will be like; he was hoping to stay somewhat local so that his kids would have a chance to visit, if they would, but he'll be flying solo this time. That might be a good thing for him, if he can remain solely focused on his own recovery and not distracted by hoping for reconciliations with his kids.
He wants to know what this means for us, for our relationship as brothers, if he holds it together and cleans his act up, but I don't know. I'll do what I can for him as long as he's serious about it, but I don't know how far into my life I can let him. We'll see.
I guess that's the best we can hope for at all right now, to wait and see.
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