Last year, we mostly ignored Thanksgiving. My dad had recently died, and no one felt like celebrating without him; it was one of his favorite days of the year, and for days leading up to it the house echoed with his absence. There was no doubt that we had much to be thankful for, but it almost felt like a betrayal to him to do anything more than watch the football game on TV.

This year felt very different. He never stepped foot (or rolled his chair) into this house, but we could all feel him here. The things we feel thankful for feel multiplied; the kids are are healthy and far happier here than they were living out in the sticks, we see more of Char's father and my niece and her husband, and Char's sister plopped out of nowhere and is a constant in our lives. This close family is even closer; our kids don't just tolerate each other, they like each other. They protect each other. They laugh at jokes no one else could possibly understand; they respect each other. They treat us with respect, even when they're making fun of us.

If that was all I had today, it would be enough.

But July first changed everything. I had come a little too close to losing Char once before, and Rachel with her, but July first was monumentally, uncomfortably close. So close that by all logic that Brad and the kids and I should have spent today drenched in our grief. Today should have been agony.

Instead, today was filled with lightness and life. I woke up today not dreading the day but excited about it; my house was going to be filled with the sound of kids laughing. My father in law would be here giving my kids crap about Santa. My niece and her husband would be here with my grandkids. My sister in law would be here with her fiance, helping Char cook while threatening Brad and me with sharp objects if we took one step towards her pies.

As cheesy as it sounds, I woke up feeling my father's approval. He would have been overjoyed today, and would have helped Brad whip the kids into a holiday frenzy. I still miss my father so much that it does often hurt, but today I could feel what he would have wanted me to.

Mostly, though, today I woke up next to the woman who should not be here, and I watched her sleep until the sound of Kevin slamming the pantry door shut woke her up. I watched her stretch, and then smile just before she curled up against me. I started today holding one of the most precious things my life will ever have.

I have so many things to be thankful for, but today I am most grateful for that. I am beyond my ability to give thanks for just the simple act of being able to watch her breathe. I could not be more thankful that I have the chance to spend many, many more years with her, to grow old with her, and to spoil a dozen grandkids with her.

Happy Thanksgiving.