I go boom



Not me

 While this is not me, this was me on Saturday. I think I spent as much time wiping out as I did actual skiing, and none of it was pretty to watch.

I'm only taking part of the blame, though. My part of it is in renting a pair of skis intended for someone above my level of expertise. The other part lays squarely on whomever walked off with my skis on Saturday morning. I'd set them in the rack, walked over to help Rachel sign into the snowboard class, and when I returned, my skis were gone. I doubt someone took them by mistake, because in that case they would have realized it partway down a run and returned. The consolation is that they were older skis and I was thinking about replacing them, because they've been run about as much as skis should be run. So the thief got a crappy set of skis. That still left me without, so I rented, and I let my ego try a pair I wasn't ready for.

Char could ride those skis without problem, but she's far better at the whole thing than I am. So after several runs in which I made my way down the slope either on my ass or tumbling, I took them back for a tamer pair.

I know I'm getting old because it took an hour in the hot tub and a few stiff drinks to make me feel better Saturday night.

This morning Char talked me into trying the introductory snowboarding class, because the kids are all now really getting into it; yesterday Rachel caught on well enough to brave the beginner slopes with Alex and Kevin, and it was something different to try so I agreed. And I spent the morning looking something like this:

Still not me

Yes, I went back and rented skis for the afternoon because my ego can only take so much. We're bringing Craig along with us this week when we go back (sans kids) and he better not turn out to be a natural, or I might have to shove a ski pole up his ass.

Renting skis one more time, and buying a new pair once I narrow it down. I hope whomever took my skis enjoys them while they last; they were fairly cheap to begin with, so it's not like they got something worth tossing up on eBay or anything.

Hard to argue with him

Alex is a saver; all the kids get an allowance and all are expected to save a certain percentage for their savings accounts (that they cannot touch), an annual charitable donation, and then savings that they can touch, but he's taken saving to a new level.

Between cash birthday and Christmas gifts, his allowance, extra chores, and working for his grandfather, he's saved enough that I regret ever having agreed to pay half of whatever car he intends to buy when he gets his license.

Last night he cornered me in my office; he covets my iPad, and thinks one will be useful for school. He does not expect me to buy it for him, but wanted to take money out of savings for it.

I'm fine with that.

But then, I'd also like to get Rachel one as an early birthday present.

That surprised me but I am not against it; I did tell him to think about it hard, because that was a huge chunk of money and she hasn't expressed an interest in one.

Well, not to you she hasn't.

He had more.

I also want to replace my cell phone. And if I get one, can Kevin have my old one?

Now, he knows we relented on giving him and Rachel cell phones before we wanted to. But he presented fairly well thought out reasoning: Kevin isn't in a private school anymore; he's in a different environment that might be less safe overall. He feels safer, but, you know, Columbine. Phones were helpful there. And he's kind of the odd man out; all of his friends have cell phones now, and he's really missing out. Not to mention, Elizabeth would like to be able to text him and he's tired of Kevin borrowing his phone to text her.

I'll pay the extra that it costs to get his phone number.

Kevin has never asked us for a phone because he knew what the answer would be; I know where Alex is coming from, though, because Kevin borrows everyone's phone to send Elizabeth random messages.

I wouldn't tell him yes or no on that because I had to talk to Char, but she agreed later, as long as Kevin doesn't use it at school, cell phones are a losing battle and it would be nice to be able to call him while he's outside rather than go looking for him.

This morning, Alex was still determined to get his sister her own iPad, so once she and Kevin had left for school we went out and got them; he got everything set up and charged by the time she was home.

She shrieked so loudly when he gave it to her that I'm a little surprised his ears didn't start bleeding.

He also handed over his old cell phone to Kevin and was rewarded with a high five and You're freaking awesome!

No, we didn't make him pay for adding Kevin to the cell phone plan. He was being extremely generous as it was, so we got him a new phone and had his old one set up for Kevin. The one thing I worried about, that Kevin would feel like he was getting yet another hand-me-down, was unfounded. He was thrilled.

It will make for a very quite drive to the condo this weekend. They can all keep themselves occupied and if he's good, I'll let Kevin play with my iPad on the drive.

The subject was snow, actually

Ian, on the phone with his brother: I was hoping for a good six to eight inches.
My eleven year old son: That's what she said.

Son, I am (not) disappoint

I kept most of my textbooks, and while they are now out of date, I thought that because he was on the fence about taking the class with me, Alex would benefit from flipping through my old Psychology of Sex textbook.

He handed it back to me this morning. This is really boring. I thought there would be more about figuring out how women think about the whole thing.

So no, he's not going to take the class. Which means I don't have to, either.

When he told Char his reason for not taking it, she sighed hard and asked If you want to know what a woman is thinking, just ask her.

He was smart enough to not say anything, but when she was out of earshot: Is she serious?

I think she was, son, but for future reference, if you're going to ask the question, have a ton of chocolate on hand, and be prepared to listen for a very long time.

Instead of the psych class, he's taking a computer class. Because, he says, at least computers make sense.

Act of trust?

I don't know if it was trust or foolishness, but we decided to let Craig spend the night with the kids while we went off to ski. He had a list of rules that pretty much boiled down to not leaving the house unless it's an emergency, don't even think about alcohol, and don't believe the kids if they tell you they're allowed to be on the phone or texting after 10pm. Alex is perfect capable of being in charge of Rachel and Kevin for an evening, but we wanted an adult there overnight; since he has no school right now, Alex could get his sister and brother up and out the door to the bus in time, but still. There needs to be an adult around. Craig wanted to do this, and he's done well enough lately that we agreed to it.

That's not saying we didn't have Alex texting us frequently to let us know how things were going; he understands our reluctance where Craig is concerned. For that matter, so does Craig, and he doesn't take it personally.

At 6pm Char got a text: Grandpa is here, says he just wanted to bring pizza over but I think he's spending the night.

Char called him; he was as polite as he could be, but the gist was Hell, yes, I'm spending the night. He likes my brother, but doesn't quite trust him with his grandkids' lives just yet. I should point out that Craig raised his boys and they turned out just fine, but I was just a little bit grateful that Brad was willing to butt in. It was testament to the fact that while I am proud of how far Craig has come, I'm still not 100% sure he has what it takes to hold onto sobriety. Brad was there, he later said, so that if something did go wrong there would be a witness. Kids do stupid things and break bones; addicts do stupid things and slip up; there needed to be another adult around to tell the tale if either happened so there would be no doubts about the cause.

Will we do it again? Probably. We'd like to take advantage of some kidless time on the slopes, and we have willing adults to stay with the kids. The kids don't mind as long as we're willing to turn around and take them skiing and snowboarding on the weekends.

Next week, however, Brad is staying with the kids and we're taking Craig with us. I'm hoping to get some good audio of him sliding down the hill, because I know he is going to scream like 5 year old girl being kissed by the kindergarten cootie-monger.

Well, I think it's funny

Alex tried to register online today for his next semester classes, but was thwarted by the psychology class he hoped to take. He did not, the error message said, meet the age requirement to enroll in said class. We learned this by overhearing him complain to his friend Evan; "It's a fucking psych class. I meet the pre-req. I should be able to take it if I want."

Deny his son an educational experience? Ian turned into Super Dad; he knows most of the faculty in the psych department, and interrupted their conversation to ask who the instructor is. He could make a call and find out if the requirement could be waved.

Alex mumbled his name, obviously not wanting Ian to get involved. As soon as Ian heard the name, he turned around and headed for the phone, chuckling under his breath.

I wanted to know why any course taught there would be closed to a student based on age.

"Because," Ian said before he picked up the phone, "he wants to take a class in the psychology of sex."

I wanted to stop him from making that call; there are plenty of other classes Alex can take, and I see no need for him to get into this particular one right now.

"I took it," Ian informed me. "Relax. It's not like he'll be watching porn. Well, not much, anyway."

I couldn't get to the phone to wrestle it away from him before he had dialed the number.

While he exchanged pleasantries with his former colleague, I went to do laundry and to try to think of something other than my teenaged son fixated on sex and getting a grade for it. And also, to figure out a way to convince him to not take it even if his dad could arrange it. I don't care if Alex understands the particulars of sex, that doesn't mean I want him studying it as well.

As fas as Ian is concerned, any academic endeavor is worth pursuing.

Half an hour later, Ian was off the phone, and had news for Alex. "You can take the class, but you'll have to wait for the first day and enroll as an add-in. He'll hold a slot for you."

There was a but there, and I could hear it.

Alex did, too, because he waited for it.

"You can take it if I agree to chaperone you."

"What? I have to go to class with my Dad?"

It was a class of over a hundred students, Ian explained. He would sit in the very back and they could pretend they didn't know each other. The class wades into some serious territory, and is not appropriate for the average fifteen year old. But, we would allow it under these circumstances; this was the deal, take it or leave it.

I think Ian presumed Alex would leave it. But, he looked at me, looked back at Ian, and then said, "All right. You probably should take it. You might learn something."

Now I think Ian is hoping Alex changes his mind at the last minute, but I know my son; he's going to do whatever he can to make his dad squirm.

And who knows, maybe he really will learn something :)

Happy New Year

Much of New Year's Eve was spent on the back patio with Alex; sitting in a lawn chair next to his old man was probably not how he intended to spend the evening, but Stephanie was happily hanging around the kitchen with Char and Rachel. If it really bothered him he hid it well--he understands that for Stephanie an evening baking cookies with Char is a big deal. Her mother has been gone long enough that she doesn't really remember her, something to which Char can relate. I think because of that, Char makes an effort to carve out time for Stephanie; she worries about the effect that will have if Alex and Stephanie ever break up, but for now, she's willing to be that female figure in Steph's life. She remembers how it felt, perhaps even on a scale grander than Stephanie feels it, because the women in Brad's life were transient at best, and none of them were someone she could really look up to.

Alex understands that, and he's never complained when his girlfriend comes over to see him but winds up spending more time with his mother and sister. On New Year's Even, though, I don't think he was exactly happy about it.

I think it did make him feel better, however, that I would have preferred to be somewhere with his mother that didn't include ringing in the new year with our kids.

I also would have preferred to be inside where it wasn't so cold that even my toes wanted to invert, but he was sitting outside and it seemed like a good idea to join him. For some reason, if I can get Alex out there on the patio, where his brother and sister aren't in ear shot, I can get him talking. Usually when we're alone out there I can get him talking about the things going on in his life, whether it's serious or not. Last night he turned the tables on me; he asked about my ex-wife.

Because he was so angry when he first found out about her, and because he shut down somewhat at the mere hint of my having had a life before he was born, when Kathy died we vacillated so long on whether it was something to tell the kids or not that by the time we decided, it was basically a non-issue. They were never going to meet her; they knew that Char spoke to her and liked her, but that relationship was strictly online and sometimes on the phone, and it was never going to cross into let's be friends. She had her life, I had mine, and never the twain shall meet, so to speak.

However, now Uncle Craig is here a lot, and Alex has overheard some of our conversations, and some of the talk has revolved around his feelings for her. Alex was curious; how the hell could Uncle Craig fall for his own brother's wife? To tell him it was complicated would be an understatement, and it's not even a question I have a concrete answer for. I don't think Craig does, either.

But, last night Alex wanted to know about it, and with the little I told him, he latched onto the idea that Craig would have happily started something with Kathy if she's made him think there was a snowball's chance in hell of that ever happening. I couldn't give Alex most of the answers he wanted; most of his questions were clearly about things that are none of his business. I can't and won't speak for my brother, and I can't say for certain what kind of interaction he had with Kathy before she met and married Tucker. But then he asked something that gave me pause. Now that he's sober, do you think he'll try to win her over?

My gut reaction wasn't borne out of grief; I still miss the idea of Kathy being alive and happy with her family, but whatever there was between us was long gone when she died. I appreciate Tucker's consideration in letting me know when she had the stroke and when she died, but what I felt wasn't really grief so much as it was sorrow for all the lost potential. Yet at that moment, I didn't want to tell Alex the truth; it felt like a serious lie of omission. Had we told the kids when it happened, it would have been shrugged off with a Sorry. That sucks. But after all this time, I worried he would be angry.

I worry too much.

He grasped that we got the news about her death while on a ski trip to celebrate Kevin's birthday, and that overall our job was to protect our kids from something that might have detracted from that. "We didn't know her," Alex pointed out. "Yeah, so what good would it have done to tell us?"

What he wanted to know, more than the idea that Craig might have made a move if she was still alive, was about her stepkids. Are her kids all right? Do you know?

I wish I did know, at least enough to tell him they're getting along fine. But I truthfully have no idea.

When we finally headed inside, there was hot chocolate waiting for us--they thought we would need it, given how frigid it was out there--and when midnight rolled around I realized that Alex made sure he was standing right next to Stephanie, and he wasn't the least bit shy about kissing the new year in with her.

That left Kevin and Rachel to high five each other, because there was no way in hell either of them was kissing the other.

I have to admit, I enjoyed the time spent in the cold with my oldest son; the times we'll have together like that will become fewer as time speeds on. But it was, to say the least, a nice way to end 2010, and greeting 2011 with his mother, there's not much better than that.