Rachel has a head cold; it's one of those colds where you understand that all you have is a cold, but you feel like death warmed over and your skull weighs a good 50 pounds. All you want to do is lie in bed and wallow in your own misery and whine about how much snot is running out of your stuffed up nose and how watery your eyes are.
Since there's no projectile vomiting involved, we're heartless and cruel parents and while we allow our cold-laden children to lounge in bed all day, we expect them to eat. Hell, we even bring the food to them. Whatever they want, within reason. Rachel wanted nothing more than macaroni and cheese at lunch, so Char made a giant pot of it and they had lunch together sitting on Rachel's bed.
Where Char is, the boys are sure to follow. They all wound up in Rachel's room, in spite of being warned they were going to catch her cold (Alex: I'm pretty sure she sneezed on me yesterday anyway) and when Rachel had eaten all she was going to, Char gathered up the bowls and told Alex and Kevin that their sister needed to get some sleep.
Rachel protested; she wasn't sleepy. She had a couple of chapters left in a book she was reading and wanted to finish it. Fine, she's 14, she knows if she needs a nap or not. Char left the boys in there and we did the dishes, and when I headed down the hall, I could hear Alex's voice rumbling low and peeked in.
They were all on the bed together, Rachel curled up on her side, Kevin at the foot of the bed, and Alex wedged in the middle, and he was reading to them. He looked up when he realized I was there and said, She wanted to finish her book, but her eyes are watering too much.
A couple of hours later they were all piled onto Char's and my bed to watch a DVD. Later, when Rachel was headed for bed and complaining that she was cold, Kevin got up to get an extra blanket for her, and Alex offered to make her some tea.
Once in a while, when the morbid crosses my mind and I contemplate how things would go for them if something happened to both Char and I, I worry that they'll flounder. But then days like this come around, and I know that if the worst does crash into them, they'll take care of each other. The thought made me feel pretty good. But then I started sneezing. And now my head hurts.
I completley blame the little cootie-mongers.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I have short hair for a reason
TK's oldest son, like Rachel, is headed into high school this fall. And unlike the parochial school my kids left this year, the public junior high has a "graduation" for them, which is essentially a two hour long snooze fest that even seemed to bore the kids. It's a non-event event; no caps and gowns, held in the afternoon so that half the parents can't attend because of work, all the kids in regular school clothes, fidgeting because they just want the day over with. None of the graduates seemed happy, and there was a lot of grumbling that a class party would have been much more fun.
Never say those words in front of Char. The kids wanted a party, the kids were getting a party. She told Rachel and Bryan to each invite "a few" of their friends, and we'd celebrate the end of junior high. It made the kids happy, which in turn made her happy, right up to the moment where she realized that a graduation party for Bryan meant also inviting Bryan's mother. They haven't been on speaking terms for several years because Char hasn't really forgiven her for the way she treated TK. TK has, but that's beside the point. Like it or not, we were having TK, his girlfriend, and his ex-wife-ex-Char's-best-friend in the house at the same time.
Even Kevin could see the potential there, and muttered This is going to be fun in a very oh-hell-no way.
The kids did have fun. Rachel and her friends liked Bryan and his friends, and the weather cooperated so much of their time was spent milling around the back yard and eating more food than should be humanly possible. They had a stereo going, and once the awkwardness of meeting new friends was over (and aided by Alex and Stephanie) some of them even tried dancing. Kevin and Elizabeth hung around with William and Richard (TK and Becky's twins) and while it was loud, it was tolerable. The goal was for the kids to have fun, and they did.
The adults even did a passable job of keeping the strain hidden. TK was in an awkward position; ideally he shouldn't have brought the girlfriend, but didn't see a way around it. We didn't know her well enough before this party to like or dislike her, but the kids seemed somewhat dismissive of her, and Becky obviously wishes she would die in a metaphorical fire. Still, maturity abounded, and we were able to sit and talk like grownups. I overheard the GF complain once to TK about how rude the kids all were and Becky shoot back that they were just being kids and she didn't need to try to be their friend; Char overheard it as well and covered up nicely, but she really wanted to laugh, because Becky was right. The kids were all being fine, but they didn't want to include the adults, and why would they? Ignoring us wasn't rude; they were outside having a good time, and we were inside trying to be civil.
Trying to be civil included trying to have a reasonable conversation, and when you have kids, the topic tends to drift towards them.
Important to note: TK and Becky's first child died within an hour of birth. Their fifth died within half a day. Both were born with multiple congenital medical problems, and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it or save them. I didn't think they would ever recover from losing their first baby, and losing their last wrecked them both. They were both drowning in grief after that.
So we were talking about the kids and what they've been up to, and in a very clean moment of wonder that wasn't wrapped up in anger and sorrow, Becky mused about what their oldest would be like now. She would have recently turned fifteen, and Becky said out loud what we've all wondered all along. What would she have looked like? Would she and Alex and Rachel have been fast friends? Tomboy, girly-girl?
Char decided she would have been a princess, Daddy's girl all the way, even moreso than Rachel. And that their youngest daughter would have been the tomboy, always chasing after her brothers.
That made Becky smile and made TK laugh, and Becky said, very simply, that she misses them.
The GF look puzzled and said How? You didn't even know them. It's not like they were alive long enough for you to love them.
Before either TK or Becky could gather a coherent thought, Char leaned forward and very evenly informed the GF that not only were those baby girls loved, they were cherished and treasured, and that a day doesn't go by when Becky doesn't love them and miss them, and the fact that she went on to have her boys is a prime example of how much love she has to give to her children. We all miss those girls. We didn't have to meet them personally to feel the holes in our lives because they're not here. They were loved before they were born, and will be loved as long as any of us are still alive.
The GF was surprised, turned to TK and asked him if he was going to let her be spoken to that way. After all, he doesn't even like his ex.
He fished his keys out of his pocket and handed them to her, telling her to leave. Drive his car back to his apartment and get her own car, and just leave. He would ride back with the ex whom he might not like most days, but still loves every day.
She had the keys in her hand, but looked at them like she didn't know what to do with them until Char told her she had about ten seconds to get the hell out of our house before she was dragged out by her hair.
That got her moving. I think Char intended for us to all stay put and listen to the door slam shut, but I got up and followed her anyway, mostly because I didn't want the kids to hear the door slam shut. I expected to go back into the other room and find TK comforting Becky, but instead it was Char standing in the kitchen with her arms around the former best friend she can barely tolerate.
I was not happy when Becky left TK the way she did; it was cruel and thoughtless, but I also understood it and tried to not hold it against her. I still haven't forgiven her for the way she greeted Char last year after coming back, because it tapped into some very real pain for Char, but I can stand to be around her. I understand why TK still loves her and why their marriage exploded, and if he can forgive her for the way she left then it shouldn't matter so much to me. What matters to me is how she made Char feel about what the accident did to her.
But they did connect over the love of their kids. Char was there in every minute that Becky needed her after both girls were born and when they died, and she knows as much as TK does what Becky is feeling and how hearing that she couldn't have loved them must have hurt. And still angry or not, Char still loves the Becky she knew when they were both still pretty much just teenagers trying to pretend to be all grown up in their new jobs and the Becky who managed to be a pretty good mother to her kids even when she was desperately missing the ones who weren't there.
You don't disrespect someone Char loves in her own house and expect to get away with it.
My brother showed up not long after the GF was booted out, and we went outside to pester the kids while Char and Becky stayed inside to talk. And they talked for a long time, 95% of which I will never be told. I don't think this is a fix to their relationship, but it certainly gave it a place to start.
Craig was not surprised by any of it and mused that TK needs to meet a better class of women. I don't think he wants to meet a better class of women. I think he's just fine with dating women he knows Char will shred to pieces if she thinks she has to.
She's never threatened to drag Becky anywhere by her hair, so that says something.
Do I hope they can be friends again? Sure. Am I counting on it? No. But if Char and Becky can at least be friendly, it will go a long way in helping TK and Becky get back on track, and I think it's a track they both want to be on.
Never say those words in front of Char. The kids wanted a party, the kids were getting a party. She told Rachel and Bryan to each invite "a few" of their friends, and we'd celebrate the end of junior high. It made the kids happy, which in turn made her happy, right up to the moment where she realized that a graduation party for Bryan meant also inviting Bryan's mother. They haven't been on speaking terms for several years because Char hasn't really forgiven her for the way she treated TK. TK has, but that's beside the point. Like it or not, we were having TK, his girlfriend, and his ex-wife-ex-Char's-best-friend in the house at the same time.
Even Kevin could see the potential there, and muttered This is going to be fun in a very oh-hell-no way.
The kids did have fun. Rachel and her friends liked Bryan and his friends, and the weather cooperated so much of their time was spent milling around the back yard and eating more food than should be humanly possible. They had a stereo going, and once the awkwardness of meeting new friends was over (and aided by Alex and Stephanie) some of them even tried dancing. Kevin and Elizabeth hung around with William and Richard (TK and Becky's twins) and while it was loud, it was tolerable. The goal was for the kids to have fun, and they did.
The adults even did a passable job of keeping the strain hidden. TK was in an awkward position; ideally he shouldn't have brought the girlfriend, but didn't see a way around it. We didn't know her well enough before this party to like or dislike her, but the kids seemed somewhat dismissive of her, and Becky obviously wishes she would die in a metaphorical fire. Still, maturity abounded, and we were able to sit and talk like grownups. I overheard the GF complain once to TK about how rude the kids all were and Becky shoot back that they were just being kids and she didn't need to try to be their friend; Char overheard it as well and covered up nicely, but she really wanted to laugh, because Becky was right. The kids were all being fine, but they didn't want to include the adults, and why would they? Ignoring us wasn't rude; they were outside having a good time, and we were inside trying to be civil.
Trying to be civil included trying to have a reasonable conversation, and when you have kids, the topic tends to drift towards them.
Important to note: TK and Becky's first child died within an hour of birth. Their fifth died within half a day. Both were born with multiple congenital medical problems, and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it or save them. I didn't think they would ever recover from losing their first baby, and losing their last wrecked them both. They were both drowning in grief after that.
So we were talking about the kids and what they've been up to, and in a very clean moment of wonder that wasn't wrapped up in anger and sorrow, Becky mused about what their oldest would be like now. She would have recently turned fifteen, and Becky said out loud what we've all wondered all along. What would she have looked like? Would she and Alex and Rachel have been fast friends? Tomboy, girly-girl?
Char decided she would have been a princess, Daddy's girl all the way, even moreso than Rachel. And that their youngest daughter would have been the tomboy, always chasing after her brothers.
That made Becky smile and made TK laugh, and Becky said, very simply, that she misses them.
The GF look puzzled and said How? You didn't even know them. It's not like they were alive long enough for you to love them.
Before either TK or Becky could gather a coherent thought, Char leaned forward and very evenly informed the GF that not only were those baby girls loved, they were cherished and treasured, and that a day doesn't go by when Becky doesn't love them and miss them, and the fact that she went on to have her boys is a prime example of how much love she has to give to her children. We all miss those girls. We didn't have to meet them personally to feel the holes in our lives because they're not here. They were loved before they were born, and will be loved as long as any of us are still alive.
The GF was surprised, turned to TK and asked him if he was going to let her be spoken to that way. After all, he doesn't even like his ex.
He fished his keys out of his pocket and handed them to her, telling her to leave. Drive his car back to his apartment and get her own car, and just leave. He would ride back with the ex whom he might not like most days, but still loves every day.
She had the keys in her hand, but looked at them like she didn't know what to do with them until Char told her she had about ten seconds to get the hell out of our house before she was dragged out by her hair.
That got her moving. I think Char intended for us to all stay put and listen to the door slam shut, but I got up and followed her anyway, mostly because I didn't want the kids to hear the door slam shut. I expected to go back into the other room and find TK comforting Becky, but instead it was Char standing in the kitchen with her arms around the former best friend she can barely tolerate.
I was not happy when Becky left TK the way she did; it was cruel and thoughtless, but I also understood it and tried to not hold it against her. I still haven't forgiven her for the way she greeted Char last year after coming back, because it tapped into some very real pain for Char, but I can stand to be around her. I understand why TK still loves her and why their marriage exploded, and if he can forgive her for the way she left then it shouldn't matter so much to me. What matters to me is how she made Char feel about what the accident did to her.
But they did connect over the love of their kids. Char was there in every minute that Becky needed her after both girls were born and when they died, and she knows as much as TK does what Becky is feeling and how hearing that she couldn't have loved them must have hurt. And still angry or not, Char still loves the Becky she knew when they were both still pretty much just teenagers trying to pretend to be all grown up in their new jobs and the Becky who managed to be a pretty good mother to her kids even when she was desperately missing the ones who weren't there.
You don't disrespect someone Char loves in her own house and expect to get away with it.
My brother showed up not long after the GF was booted out, and we went outside to pester the kids while Char and Becky stayed inside to talk. And they talked for a long time, 95% of which I will never be told. I don't think this is a fix to their relationship, but it certainly gave it a place to start.
Craig was not surprised by any of it and mused that TK needs to meet a better class of women. I don't think he wants to meet a better class of women. I think he's just fine with dating women he knows Char will shred to pieces if she thinks she has to.
She's never threatened to drag Becky anywhere by her hair, so that says something.
Do I hope they can be friends again? Sure. Am I counting on it? No. But if Char and Becky can at least be friendly, it will go a long way in helping TK and Becky get back on track, and I think it's a track they both want to be on.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Well. Damn. LOL
Three weeks of school left, we were informed this morning by a grumpy 12 year old who was having one of those still-half-asleep mornings. Alex annoyed the snot out of his little brother by pointing out that he has finals next week, and then is done. I was mostly annoyed with the idea that Char's and my quiet time is coming to a close for a couple of months, and this place will be crawling with teen-and-tween-agers. The grocery bill will triple, because Char does not seem to believe in sending kids home for dinner; if they're here, they get fed, the only requirement is that they call some to make sure it's all right.
We may catch a break from the throngs of horny kids splashing in our pool; the kids have expressed an interest in going somewhere this summer. We hadn't given it much thought before Alex first brought it up, but in casual conversation at dinner we've determined that they do want a family vacation this year and they want to see "roots." Char has no desire to show them where she grew up, and they've seen Texas; what they want most is to see where I was born, where my parents grew up and met and got married.
I guess we're going to Ireland at some point this summer.
To be honest, I was hoping they wanted to go to Disney World. They're at the age where they could have fun and not require Mom and Dad to be right there all the time. We could borrow another kid and even the numbers out so that I don't have to get on rides with Kevin. Disney World would totally be doable, but no. They seem to think the should see the world before they're "too old."
I think it really means they want to see the world while Dad still has to pay for it.
I knew we shouldn't have raised them to be forward thinkers.
We may catch a break from the throngs of horny kids splashing in our pool; the kids have expressed an interest in going somewhere this summer. We hadn't given it much thought before Alex first brought it up, but in casual conversation at dinner we've determined that they do want a family vacation this year and they want to see "roots." Char has no desire to show them where she grew up, and they've seen Texas; what they want most is to see where I was born, where my parents grew up and met and got married.
I guess we're going to Ireland at some point this summer.
To be honest, I was hoping they wanted to go to Disney World. They're at the age where they could have fun and not require Mom and Dad to be right there all the time. We could borrow another kid and even the numbers out so that I don't have to get on rides with Kevin. Disney World would totally be doable, but no. They seem to think the should see the world before they're "too old."
I think it really means they want to see the world while Dad still has to pay for it.
I knew we shouldn't have raised them to be forward thinkers.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I am, she said
No matter what happened yesterday, no matter the celebrations in the streets and online (I think my favorite being Ding Dong the Dick is Dead), real life must go on and for us that meant getting the kids up in time to have breakfast and then catch the bus, getting Alex to school, and walking the dog. Sure, we can open the back door and let him outside to do his business, and we generally do that first, but Tank has his own expectations and a couple of daily walks is one of them. And Char likes to shove me out of the house every now and then so that she can soak up some silence.
Tank and I wandered around the neighborhood and when we started to pass Erin's street I figured what the hell, I'd stop by and see what she was up to, see if she wanted us to take the kids for the afternoon so that she could soak up some of her own silence. When I got there, Miko was standing on the sidewalk leaned up against the car, and he was staring at the house like he was terrified to go in. I greeted him with something lame about skipping out on work early (and in my head was thinking for a nooner but that was a might too creepy to actually say out loud, all things considered) when he said She texted me a while ago and told me I was coming home for lunch. She never does that. I think she sounded pissed off in that text.
Having been on the receiving end of a few angry texts, I completely understand. I also figured it might be a good time to take the boys home with me. That would make Char happy, and would give Erin a couple of hours before Toni got home, enough time to deal with Miko's body if she needed to.
We walked into the house and she was there, ready for him. He got three steps inside and she chucked a cupcake at him. I don't mean she just threw one, she whipped that cupcake across the room and nailed him with it right between the eyes. And before he could pick it off, she threw another one. I have to give her credit, her aim was so good that she didn't get any on his suit. But once that second cupcake had bounced off the first and Tank was enjoying some unexpected snacks, she realized I was there and hissed You couldn't come alone? You brought my dad to protect you? What the hell?
There was more, but I stopped hearing anything she said after that point for a bit. While in my heart, she's as much my kid as Alex, Rachel, and Kevin are, she's never referred to me as her dad before. And I never had a problem with that, because early on she'd expressed worry that if she called me anything but Uncle Ian Alex would feel slighted. He's my oldest and she always thought he deserved to have that. But still, Erin is my kid, even though I didn't get her until she was sixteen.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that hearing that felt awfully damned good.
By the time I stopped not listening, Thad was crying and Miko headed up the stairs to get him, and I still had no idea what the Cupcake Wars were about, and I think by then Erin realized that whatever shorthand they were speaking was going right over my head. Tank had cleaned the carpet up pretty well, she notched down the anger a little and then sighed, I begged him to get a vasectomy. He is such a goddamned little boy.
What she was saying hadn't quite worked its way in and I fumbled out with, You just called me your dad.
You know that look women get when you've said something really stupid, when you've stated the obvious? I got that look. Well, you are. And then she kept going. Would it have killed him? Really? YOU got one and survived.
I got one because I was afraid getting Char pregnant again would kill her. Erin wanted Miko to get one because she was afraid that if she got pregnant again, she would kill him. Instead, she whipped a couple of cupcakes at his head. I had a hard time sympathizing with her, because she and Miko make some beautiful babies, and she is an incredible mother.
I'm selfish enough to want more grandkids.
By the time she calmed down enough to not want to pound Miko with the rest of the contents of their pantry I had the boy in a stroller and had called Char to let her know I was coming home with them. I sure as hell wasn't doing Erin any good being there and being happy when she hasn't quite gotten to that point. But I have no doubt that she will, because you can't look into her kids' faces and not understand that they are everything to her and she has a lot more love to give. And her kids have nearby grandparents ready to watch them at a moments' notice.
As for Miko? He's thrilled, but I will personally escort the boy to the urologist if she wants me to, because I'm pretty sure that's what a dad should do.
Tank and I wandered around the neighborhood and when we started to pass Erin's street I figured what the hell, I'd stop by and see what she was up to, see if she wanted us to take the kids for the afternoon so that she could soak up some of her own silence. When I got there, Miko was standing on the sidewalk leaned up against the car, and he was staring at the house like he was terrified to go in. I greeted him with something lame about skipping out on work early (and in my head was thinking for a nooner but that was a might too creepy to actually say out loud, all things considered) when he said She texted me a while ago and told me I was coming home for lunch. She never does that. I think she sounded pissed off in that text.
Having been on the receiving end of a few angry texts, I completely understand. I also figured it might be a good time to take the boys home with me. That would make Char happy, and would give Erin a couple of hours before Toni got home, enough time to deal with Miko's body if she needed to.
We walked into the house and she was there, ready for him. He got three steps inside and she chucked a cupcake at him. I don't mean she just threw one, she whipped that cupcake across the room and nailed him with it right between the eyes. And before he could pick it off, she threw another one. I have to give her credit, her aim was so good that she didn't get any on his suit. But once that second cupcake had bounced off the first and Tank was enjoying some unexpected snacks, she realized I was there and hissed You couldn't come alone? You brought my dad to protect you? What the hell?
There was more, but I stopped hearing anything she said after that point for a bit. While in my heart, she's as much my kid as Alex, Rachel, and Kevin are, she's never referred to me as her dad before. And I never had a problem with that, because early on she'd expressed worry that if she called me anything but Uncle Ian Alex would feel slighted. He's my oldest and she always thought he deserved to have that. But still, Erin is my kid, even though I didn't get her until she was sixteen.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that hearing that felt awfully damned good.
By the time I stopped not listening, Thad was crying and Miko headed up the stairs to get him, and I still had no idea what the Cupcake Wars were about, and I think by then Erin realized that whatever shorthand they were speaking was going right over my head. Tank had cleaned the carpet up pretty well, she notched down the anger a little and then sighed, I begged him to get a vasectomy. He is such a goddamned little boy.
What she was saying hadn't quite worked its way in and I fumbled out with, You just called me your dad.
You know that look women get when you've said something really stupid, when you've stated the obvious? I got that look. Well, you are. And then she kept going. Would it have killed him? Really? YOU got one and survived.
I got one because I was afraid getting Char pregnant again would kill her. Erin wanted Miko to get one because she was afraid that if she got pregnant again, she would kill him. Instead, she whipped a couple of cupcakes at his head. I had a hard time sympathizing with her, because she and Miko make some beautiful babies, and she is an incredible mother.
I'm selfish enough to want more grandkids.
By the time she calmed down enough to not want to pound Miko with the rest of the contents of their pantry I had the boy in a stroller and had called Char to let her know I was coming home with them. I sure as hell wasn't doing Erin any good being there and being happy when she hasn't quite gotten to that point. But I have no doubt that she will, because you can't look into her kids' faces and not understand that they are everything to her and she has a lot more love to give. And her kids have nearby grandparents ready to watch them at a moments' notice.
As for Miko? He's thrilled, but I will personally escort the boy to the urologist if she wants me to, because I'm pretty sure that's what a dad should do.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Pass the Motrin
Poor Alex and Ian. This place was crawling with teenaged girls last night, several more than we had counted on, and the noise level was outrageous. They wound up sitting out on the back patio in the cold and wind for a long time, trying to escape the noise. I really felt bad for Alex, because he gave up a date with Stephanie to stay home and keep Rachel amused, and in the end he really didn’t need to. They could have gone out and Rachel never would have missed them.
Every time they go sit out there, I keep thinking they look like Denny Crane and Alan Shore at the end of every episode of Boston Legal, sitting outside with a drink and a cigar, though with them the drinks are bottled water and Diet Coke and the closest thing to smoke is when it’s really cold, their breath fogs up. Most of the time when they sit out there like that I kind of want to eavesdrop, because I have no idea what it is they talk about and I’m just nosy enough to want to know. They look so serious, like they have these giant problems that have to be solved right now, and I don’t intrude because Alex is closer to 16 than 15 now and 90% of what he thinks about are things I don’t want to really know that he’s thinking about.
Ian won’t tell me exactly what they talk about most of the time, but he does confirm that much of it is stuff I don’t want to hear. So I avoid intruding. After they’d been out there a while Stephanie headed out to sit with them and I assumed that meant Ian would be coming back inside, but he stayed out there for a good 45 minutes, and every time I looked they all seemed so serious.
This time I wanted to intrude and came straight out and asked what was so deep that they were talking about. I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer, but at the same time I did.
Bathroom remodeling. They were sitting out in the cold discussing remodeling my dad’s guest bathroom and exactly what kind of finishes he wants, and whether the shower stall would look better with subway tile, 12 x 12 tile, or mosaic. And there was talk of vapor barriers and subflooring and half a dozen other things that I had no idea what he was saying when he was telling me about it.
In about five minutes he managed to bore me into wishing they’d actually been talking about sex.
In any case, they have a summer project lined up. My dad is getting another new bathroom, Stephanie is apparently interested in learning about the whole process, and Alex is one step closer to wanting to build a house from the foundation up.
I think if he ever does, it will be a soundproof cabin in the back yard where he can shove Rachel and her friends. It really did get to be too much, and when they all headed home a little after 10:30, even I had a headache.
She gets to go back to school tomorrow, though we have to make sure she has an excused out from P.E. class for at least the week. She has a follow up appointment later in the week and we’ll ask then, but I’m guessing she won’t be allowed to do much of anything physical for a while. She won’t mind it if it means getting out of chores, but she’s going to be really mad when she realizes it means no running, TKD, or even picking Thad and Travis up.
Every time they go sit out there, I keep thinking they look like Denny Crane and Alan Shore at the end of every episode of Boston Legal, sitting outside with a drink and a cigar, though with them the drinks are bottled water and Diet Coke and the closest thing to smoke is when it’s really cold, their breath fogs up. Most of the time when they sit out there like that I kind of want to eavesdrop, because I have no idea what it is they talk about and I’m just nosy enough to want to know. They look so serious, like they have these giant problems that have to be solved right now, and I don’t intrude because Alex is closer to 16 than 15 now and 90% of what he thinks about are things I don’t want to really know that he’s thinking about.
Ian won’t tell me exactly what they talk about most of the time, but he does confirm that much of it is stuff I don’t want to hear. So I avoid intruding. After they’d been out there a while Stephanie headed out to sit with them and I assumed that meant Ian would be coming back inside, but he stayed out there for a good 45 minutes, and every time I looked they all seemed so serious.
This time I wanted to intrude and came straight out and asked what was so deep that they were talking about. I wasn’t sure I wanted an answer, but at the same time I did.
Bathroom remodeling. They were sitting out in the cold discussing remodeling my dad’s guest bathroom and exactly what kind of finishes he wants, and whether the shower stall would look better with subway tile, 12 x 12 tile, or mosaic. And there was talk of vapor barriers and subflooring and half a dozen other things that I had no idea what he was saying when he was telling me about it.
In about five minutes he managed to bore me into wishing they’d actually been talking about sex.
In any case, they have a summer project lined up. My dad is getting another new bathroom, Stephanie is apparently interested in learning about the whole process, and Alex is one step closer to wanting to build a house from the foundation up.
I think if he ever does, it will be a soundproof cabin in the back yard where he can shove Rachel and her friends. It really did get to be too much, and when they all headed home a little after 10:30, even I had a headache.
She gets to go back to school tomorrow, though we have to make sure she has an excused out from P.E. class for at least the week. She has a follow up appointment later in the week and we’ll ask then, but I’m guessing she won’t be allowed to do much of anything physical for a while. She won’t mind it if it means getting out of chores, but she’s going to be really mad when she realizes it means no running, TKD, or even picking Thad and Travis up.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
I miss being that young
Rachel is either just young or a freak of nature, or perhaps a combination of the two. She was up at a reasonable time this morning, bouncing around, claiming that she was only a little achy and didn't even need Motrin for it. She was also upset with the news that no matter how good she feels, she's not going jogging with Rob, she's not going to TKD, she's not taking the dog for a walk, and she's not doing much of anything. This includes going out with New Guy Rob, Alex, and Stephanie tonight.
She didn't try to argue the point when she normally would have, but still, she was not happy about it. Sitting around with Mom and Dad would be boring and even Kevin has plans with Elizabeth and Grandpa.
Alex and Stephanie are fairly laid back and don't go out every weekend; half the time they hang around here and watch DVDs, so Alex didn't feel especially out of line telling Rachel that they'd just stay here with her, order a pizza, and watch movies or play games, whatever she wanted. He called Steph to double check, and she was fine with the idea.
That lifted Rachel's mood considerably, and she called New Guy Rob to tell him about the change of plans. New Guy Rob, however, was less enamored with the idea and told her he assumed she wouldn't be able to go out at all, so he made other plans.
With another girl.
Granted, he and Rachel are not "a couple." She accepts that. But she's mad as hell that he didn't have the courtesy to call her and cancel their plans instead of just assuming. She was also ticked off that in the same 3 minute phone call he wanted to know if I still wanted to go running with him this morning even though it was obvious she couldn't go.
I'm trying to remember if I was as much of an ass when I was 14.
As annoyed with him as she is, when Kevin asked her if she was going to break up with him, she shrugged it off and said he's thoughtless but he's still a nice guy and there's nothing to break up, so she'll give him another chance.
I suppose this means I have to, as well.
I assumed his absence would mean Alex and Stephanie would be the only ones hanging around with her tonight, but no. In the half an hour I was outside walking the dog she called five of her friends, and they're all coming over, too.
Six fourteen year old girls. One fifteen year old girl. I'm already dreading the noise level.
Alex and I may have to go off and shoot pool or something.
She didn't try to argue the point when she normally would have, but still, she was not happy about it. Sitting around with Mom and Dad would be boring and even Kevin has plans with Elizabeth and Grandpa.
Alex and Stephanie are fairly laid back and don't go out every weekend; half the time they hang around here and watch DVDs, so Alex didn't feel especially out of line telling Rachel that they'd just stay here with her, order a pizza, and watch movies or play games, whatever she wanted. He called Steph to double check, and she was fine with the idea.
That lifted Rachel's mood considerably, and she called New Guy Rob to tell him about the change of plans. New Guy Rob, however, was less enamored with the idea and told her he assumed she wouldn't be able to go out at all, so he made other plans.
With another girl.
Granted, he and Rachel are not "a couple." She accepts that. But she's mad as hell that he didn't have the courtesy to call her and cancel their plans instead of just assuming. She was also ticked off that in the same 3 minute phone call he wanted to know if I still wanted to go running with him this morning even though it was obvious she couldn't go.
I'm trying to remember if I was as much of an ass when I was 14.
As annoyed with him as she is, when Kevin asked her if she was going to break up with him, she shrugged it off and said he's thoughtless but he's still a nice guy and there's nothing to break up, so she'll give him another chance.
I suppose this means I have to, as well.
I assumed his absence would mean Alex and Stephanie would be the only ones hanging around with her tonight, but no. In the half an hour I was outside walking the dog she called five of her friends, and they're all coming over, too.
Six fourteen year old girls. One fifteen year old girl. I'm already dreading the noise level.
Alex and I may have to go off and shoot pool or something.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I wanted Mom, too
The girl is not a complainer. She's a drama queen sometimes, but that goes with the territory of being female and fourteen; it's her divine right, and she'll outgrow it. She's also prone to hyperbole, but she comes by that honestly, having learned it well from my father, who was the master.
This evening Char went out with her sister and a few friends, leaving me with the kids and assuming, I suppose, that she would come home and all three would be happy, healthy, and in one piece.
She shouldn't assume.
I did all the things I knew would be expected; I made dinner for the kids, helped them with the dishes and then homework, fed the cats and the dog and watched out the back door as Kevin played with Tank, and vaguely heard Rachel wander past, complaining that she wasn't feeling very well. Alex asked her what was wrong and she blew it off as "just a little crampy."
Alex jabbed back with, "Again? Didn't we just suffer through you doing this like two weeks ago?"
I mostly tuned them out, worrying more that Kevin and Tank were going to wind up in the pool. I didn't even recall that she had said she wasn't feeling well until much later.
After Kevin came back inside and was in the shower, Rachel curled up next to me on the couch and said she was really feeling crappy. She tried to stretch out and lie there with her head in my lap, something she rarely does anymore, but within a couple of minutes she had her knees drawn up and was crying.
Being the genius that I am, I assumed she was just coming down with a stomach virus and that there was a 50-50 chance I'd get barfed on, but I can deal with that. Alex heard her sniffling and came out of his room to see what was wrong, and by the time he was in the living room she was sobbing.
Rachel cries when she's upset; she doesn't cry when she's sick or just feeling a little out of sorts. The sobbing made me sit up a little straighter and start to run through a mental list of what I could do to make her feel better, but when she grabbed at her stomach and was calling me "Daddy" in between breaths, I wanted to panic.
I only get called Daddy when she wants something, or something is very, very wrong. This felt very, very wrong. I picked her up, something else that hasn't happened in a long time, and headed for the door, with Alex a step behind me assuring me he would watch Kevin, call his mother, and call Erin because he was pretty sure we would be out pretty late.
Traffic fell into place; I was well over the speed limit but wasn't hindered by other cars and luckily there were no cops around. We hit the ER fifteen minutes after I left the house and she was being seen 5 minutes after that. And she was in a hell of a lot of pain, the sobbing turning from "Daddy" to "I want Mom."
I understand that there has to be some immunity to other peoples' pain and parental anxiety on the part of ER personnel. I have no issue with that. Rachel was in no position for the ER doctor to speak with her directly, what I would have normally preferred, but because he was trying to talk to me and she was still crying, I was distracted. I'm sure I looked Iike I was distracted. There wasa flurry of paperwork and my cell phone ringing because Char was trying to find out what the hell was going on, and Rachel was still crying and wanting her mother.
At some point I was signing my name to another form and the kid taking it glanced at Rachel and asked, "Does that bother you, that she wants her mother?"
What?
Why the hell would it bother me? A kid crying for her mother doesn't mean that she wants her father less; it means she wants her mother. You know, the person a kid normally associates with soft touches and warm kisses to the forehead that mean everything will be fine. That pissed me off a little, that in the middle of my kid's pain another, who should be old enough to know better, asked something as stupid as that.
For the record: absolutely not. I was there when Rachel needed me, but she also needed her mother. It's not a competition.
Half an hour later Char was there, falling all over Rachel with apologies for not being home when she needed her, and almost as soon as Char's hand was on her forehead Rachel calmed considerably. We were both there, we were both promising her that she was going to be all right. By that point she wasn't in pain thanks to a plethora of drugs, but she just needed Mom. And Mom was there as fast as she could get there.
The only issue at hand was waiting until it had been long enough from the time she'd had dinner until she could go into surgery.
And I forgot that part; appendicitis.
At one this morning they wheeled her back; she hardly looked like the same kid who was writhing in pain earlier, and she didn't seem all that afraid of what was going to happen.
Now it's nearly 5 in the morning. Char is staying with Rachel and kicked me out so that one of us would be here when Alex and Kevin get up. Rachel is going to be fine and will probably come home late in the afternoon.
But for a little while, from the moment she called me "daddy" again in between sobs, I admit, I was terrified.
She'll be fine, yes, but damn I don't think I ever want to be called that ever again, not unless she's trying to charm me into doing something she wants me to.
This evening Char went out with her sister and a few friends, leaving me with the kids and assuming, I suppose, that she would come home and all three would be happy, healthy, and in one piece.
She shouldn't assume.
I did all the things I knew would be expected; I made dinner for the kids, helped them with the dishes and then homework, fed the cats and the dog and watched out the back door as Kevin played with Tank, and vaguely heard Rachel wander past, complaining that she wasn't feeling very well. Alex asked her what was wrong and she blew it off as "just a little crampy."
Alex jabbed back with, "Again? Didn't we just suffer through you doing this like two weeks ago?"
I mostly tuned them out, worrying more that Kevin and Tank were going to wind up in the pool. I didn't even recall that she had said she wasn't feeling well until much later.
After Kevin came back inside and was in the shower, Rachel curled up next to me on the couch and said she was really feeling crappy. She tried to stretch out and lie there with her head in my lap, something she rarely does anymore, but within a couple of minutes she had her knees drawn up and was crying.
Being the genius that I am, I assumed she was just coming down with a stomach virus and that there was a 50-50 chance I'd get barfed on, but I can deal with that. Alex heard her sniffling and came out of his room to see what was wrong, and by the time he was in the living room she was sobbing.
Rachel cries when she's upset; she doesn't cry when she's sick or just feeling a little out of sorts. The sobbing made me sit up a little straighter and start to run through a mental list of what I could do to make her feel better, but when she grabbed at her stomach and was calling me "Daddy" in between breaths, I wanted to panic.
I only get called Daddy when she wants something, or something is very, very wrong. This felt very, very wrong. I picked her up, something else that hasn't happened in a long time, and headed for the door, with Alex a step behind me assuring me he would watch Kevin, call his mother, and call Erin because he was pretty sure we would be out pretty late.
Traffic fell into place; I was well over the speed limit but wasn't hindered by other cars and luckily there were no cops around. We hit the ER fifteen minutes after I left the house and she was being seen 5 minutes after that. And she was in a hell of a lot of pain, the sobbing turning from "Daddy" to "I want Mom."
I understand that there has to be some immunity to other peoples' pain and parental anxiety on the part of ER personnel. I have no issue with that. Rachel was in no position for the ER doctor to speak with her directly, what I would have normally preferred, but because he was trying to talk to me and she was still crying, I was distracted. I'm sure I looked Iike I was distracted. There wasa flurry of paperwork and my cell phone ringing because Char was trying to find out what the hell was going on, and Rachel was still crying and wanting her mother.
At some point I was signing my name to another form and the kid taking it glanced at Rachel and asked, "Does that bother you, that she wants her mother?"
What?
Why the hell would it bother me? A kid crying for her mother doesn't mean that she wants her father less; it means she wants her mother. You know, the person a kid normally associates with soft touches and warm kisses to the forehead that mean everything will be fine. That pissed me off a little, that in the middle of my kid's pain another, who should be old enough to know better, asked something as stupid as that.
For the record: absolutely not. I was there when Rachel needed me, but she also needed her mother. It's not a competition.
Half an hour later Char was there, falling all over Rachel with apologies for not being home when she needed her, and almost as soon as Char's hand was on her forehead Rachel calmed considerably. We were both there, we were both promising her that she was going to be all right. By that point she wasn't in pain thanks to a plethora of drugs, but she just needed Mom. And Mom was there as fast as she could get there.
The only issue at hand was waiting until it had been long enough from the time she'd had dinner until she could go into surgery.
And I forgot that part; appendicitis.
At one this morning they wheeled her back; she hardly looked like the same kid who was writhing in pain earlier, and she didn't seem all that afraid of what was going to happen.
Now it's nearly 5 in the morning. Char is staying with Rachel and kicked me out so that one of us would be here when Alex and Kevin get up. Rachel is going to be fine and will probably come home late in the afternoon.
But for a little while, from the moment she called me "daddy" again in between sobs, I admit, I was terrified.
She'll be fine, yes, but damn I don't think I ever want to be called that ever again, not unless she's trying to charm me into doing something she wants me to.
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