How can you possibly justify sending your son off to school, and then basically tag along? What good comes of uprooting the rest of the family just to be nearby one child “just in case?” He'll have his cousin right there, so why not just let him go?
This has been the undercurrent of many conversations of late, it's not verbatim quotations, merely paraphrasing. Friends are genuinely surprised that we would be willing to just pull up stakes and move to another country with what appears to be little extended consideration. I understand that. My answer, for the most part, has been it worked for my parents, so why shouldn't I give it a try?
My parents didn't leave Ireland on a whim, but it certainly appeared so from the vantage point of outsiders. They'd first discussed it after the death of one of my sisters; in the grip of crushing grief, they wanted out, they both itched to remove themselves from a house echoing in loss, and began to save money in order to do that. They spent years dreaming about where they would go; by the time I was two years old they felt as if they could afford to move, and they picked the place they thought would give their kids the greatest shot at a better life.
Their friends were somewhat surprised; life elsewhere had been mentioned in off-handed ways, but never as a certainty. But from the moment they understood that they needed to experience life elsewhere, someplace they could begin to heal, they knew they were leaving. Their plans began with an inward need, but the decision to specifically live and work in the U.S. was deliberately in favor of what was best for their kids. I am Irish by birth, but American by my parents' choice, and for that I am grateful.
It's because they made that choice that I am able to even entertain the idea of packing up my family and moving them thousands of miles away; it is by their example that I see the benefits my children will reap by taking this step.
For Char and I, this isn't much different from what my parents did. When the kids were all still very young we began discussing the possibility that someday we would live at least part-time in Ireland. Our intention was retirement and travel, while knowing our kids were grown, educated, and doing well on their own. We didn't foresee that Alex would have the opportunities that have come his way, and that they have has opened our eyes to other possibilities.
This truly is not overprotective parents following their child in order to protect him from the world, although I certainly see how it might look that way. If not for Rachel's and Kevin's keen and expressed interest in seeing more of the world they live in, as hard as it would be Char and I would not stand in Alex's way. If not for the idea that we can give all our kids something more than bits and pieces of vacations crammed into not enough time for them to see everything we would like and everything they're interested in, we would have encouraged Alex to go, and we would have accepted that he was on his own in nearly every sense of the word.
For all intents and purposes, he'll still be on his own; he'll be studying in residence, and we won't be so close that he can leave school on a whim. He will have Erin and Miko close by, but by intent Char and I are not going to live that close by. And much of the time we won't be there.
Our retirement plans included a heavy amount of travel; looking at it now, though, it seems to be a better idea to take Kevin and Rachel along, expand their education to a classroom that goes far beyond four walls with occasional breaks for lunch an P.E. We're buying a house within 45 minutes of the school Alex will attend, but our plans have us on the road a good part of the time, allowing his brother and sister the chance to explore and to learn far more about the world that exists outside of U.S. media and their ancient textbooks.
Once the next school year rolls around, we're going to try homeschooling; they're excited about it, and we've promised them one year. If it goes well, we'll continue. If not, we'll make a decision about where to land and enroll them in school. Either back in the U.S. or in schools near where we're moving to (no, sorry, we are not saying. You'd be disappointed if we did, anyway.) If we continue beyond the year and they finish their education this way, then Char and I will decide what to do with ourselves; stay put, follow the original plan and build a house in Ireland, or come back and kick Craig out of our house.
With Erin and Miko leaving and Nika and Peter heading back to his home, it just feels like time for us to go. Over the last few years we've divested ourselves of responsibility of the dojang and I am far enough removed from my job to be certain I'll never go back to it, so the only things holding us here are a few friends and the house. The house is taken care of and the friends we can maintain contact with. Selling the cars and motorcycles will be a pain in the ass, but that's still minor.
Really, the most difficult aspect of this will be moving the dog and the cats; I refuse to take them as cargo, so we'll have to see how this plays out. We may be taking four separate flights, if that's what it takes.
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