There's no protecting them enough

Over a week ago we "requested" that Kevin be moved to a different teacher's class, a request that's been pretty much shoved aside. Ian has been on it every day, getting excuse after excuse, mostly in the vein of "there's no space in the other classes," and "we have to find another student willing to switch." Which we both find to be total BS. Kevin assured us he could handle things until it happened, but we got a phone call yesterday morning from the principal, because Kevin refused to return to class after the mid-morning break. He didn't just refuse to go back to class, he went to the principal's office on his own and told her he would just wait there until she found him another teacher.

Fortunately, she has a sense of humor and does seem to get him. (She's also not the person Ian's been dealing with on this, but that's really neither here nor there.) The end result was us in her office with Kevin, and us all having to face down his teacher. The problem of the day wasn't so much that she's spent the week giving him grief, but that his classmates have taken her obvious opinion about him as permission to pick on him, and she's not doing anything to stop it. That part of it, we weren't aware of until we were sitting there listening to Kevin pour his heart out.

But before his teacher could counter, Ian held up his hand to stop her and asked Kevin quietly, "Why does it bother you if your classmates think that you're gay? Whether you are or not doesn't even matter, and their labeling you would only matter if being gay was offensive. It's not."

This is where Kevin gave us a major, major lesson in not only parenting, but political correctness. He was already upset, and everything that had been thrown at him and boiling in him was painted on his face in a red flush and I could tell he was straining to not cry. All I wanted was to pick him up and take him out of there, but I knew for one Ian wouldn't have let that happen, and that Kevin needed to get this out. And I'm paraphrasing his and Ian's conversation here, for the most part, but it's 99% on the mark.

"How would you like it if everyone started saying you were German?" he asked Ian. "You know you're Irish, but everyone keeps saying how German you are,"

"I think it would be puzzling at first and then annoying. But there's nothing wrong with being German, either, Kevin."

"But then what if they started saying it like it was wrong? And then they started calling you a 'kraut' or 'Jew baby killer?' There's nothing wrong with being German but it's wrong to call anyone those names. There's nothing offensive about being gay but when everyone is laughing at you and calling you queer and a fag, that's offensive."

Quietly, and just to Kevin, Ian said, "Yes, it is. Said like that, it's very offensive."

I think at that Kevin started to relax because he knew he had made his point to us and we knew just how upset he really was, but then his teacher opened her mouth and said, "Kevin, we just don't want you to go to hell."

I was out of my chair, Ian twitched towards her, but it was Kevin who exploded. "I'm not going to hell, because God's not as mean as you are."

I don't know what she was going to say to that, but when her mouth opened again Ian told her to shut it, because every word that came out of her was only fodder for a lawsuit; the principal asked her to leave, probably because what she worries about the most isn't that we'll sue, but that we really will pull our kids out of the school, and along with it the tuition we pay for all three kids and all those checks Ian writes throughout the year to support different activities. After some quieter discussion with Kevin about the things that have been going on in his classroom and the taunts he's been putting up with, she suggested we take him home for the rest of the day and that he would have a new teacher in the morning.

After Ian picked up Alex and Rachel later in the day, we got a phone call from the new teacher, who specifically asked to speak to him; she wanted to tell him how excited she was to have him in her class and that she was looking forward to seeing him in the morning. Ian and I relaxed somewhat because she was Rachel's home room teacher in 6th grade and Rachel loved having her, and we got along with her. Kevin had been very tense all day and relaxed quite a bit after that phone call, but he still wasn't looking forward to school today.

We dropped the kids off a little early this morning (he didn't want either of us to go speak with his new teacher yet) and Rachel went with him to introduce him to her old teacher. This afternoon he was obviously relieved, and asked if he could go to dance class today (he's missed several because he just hasn't felt like it.) Ian took him, and sat in the waiting area with other parents and some little girls, including Elizabeth, who were waiting to get onto the floor while the teacher went over some new steps with Kevin. The girls were watching him and talking about what had happened at school. Ian says he tried to mostly ignore it, because kids are going to talk, and he wasn't worried about what these particular kids were saying about Kevin, but just before the teacher gestured for girls to come onto the floor, he overheard Elizabeth say, "Well, he doesn't kiss like he's gay."

Ian was amused, but made sure he didn't let them know he had heard that.

The thing is, we know this isn't over. Kevin can relax a little bit, but he still has to face many of the same kids and all of the garbage they now think is fine to throw at him. We also know that we can't protect him from all of it, and that we shouldn't protect him from all of it, but right now, he's still just a little boy. We're not at all certain keeping him in this school is a good idea and we're exploring the options available for both him and Rachel. If he was 5 or 6 years older, I think we would encourage him to face this head on, but right now he's too young and the damage would be too far reaching.

But he really did stand up for himself in the principal's office yesterday, and even if it sounds like he was snotty, we're proud of him. He understands the difference between what someone is and what people say about it, and he understands fairness.